Thursday, May 22, 2008

Arranged Marriage Blues 3 – The First Meeting

The Funny Side of it..

There comes a time in arranged marriage when you finally feel that you may just have met the person that you were seeking, the one whom you thought would be your soul mate and the partner for life….. but, there is the lingering question, “Is she or isn’t she the one?” Well, to make up the mind, there is the process of the first meeting.

Generally, this meeting is supposed to be safe. So, it is not to be held in any secluded place. It is also planned in such a time of the day when the girl can feel safe to be around with an animal like you. So, it is generally planned for after noon. In case you are looking out in summer, hard luck. You’ll just have to bear the heat and talk about your heart in a crowded place where you’ll be more concerned on watching your feet than her eyes.

Anyway, without being a bit encouraging (??) let me get back to the meeting. So, you, the prospective groom will go to some pre-determined place. Sometimes, it can be some area like the main bus stand in the city or the railway station. It is generally a safe place in India, still. Or it could be a bit different. You may need to meet her in her third cousins’ fourth aunt’s second sister’s house which will be right at the heart of the city. So, you meet her.

At the first meeting, it is generally very confusing. You see, all your life you’d be drooling at all the girls around you. Suddenly when you are in the midst of the one who you think should be yours, you will be tongue tied and tame like a mouse. The fact that you are also in your best white full-sleeved formals in the middle of a blazing day does not help. But, let this not get in the middle of your romantic tryst. So, you meet her, say a silly ‘hi’ and she goes “What?”. You see, you need to speak up loudly – in case you forgot, you are near the bus stand or the railway station… It’s generally safe.

So, you decide to increase your decibel level to be heard over the din of the droning noise and start explaining about your work, your childhood and so on and on. She looks at you, you believe with lovely eyes, trying to absorb everything. All the while she’s like, I wonder if he already has a girl friend. And so, you explain everything impersonal to make it feel comfortable for her. And she speaks for the first time – “Do you have a girl friend?” And drives you speechless. You are in a predicament. You always wanted a girl friend but, with the charming attitude of sponge-bob square pants, let’s say hitting on girls is not one of your forte. Yet, it is a question of ego – how can you accept defeat? Well, you mull over it and finally decide that telling the truth is the best option – anyway she’ll find out later. So you say, “I have of friends who are girls..” Oh yeah, how original a line!

Anyway, she sort of measures you up and decides that you are not so bad after all. At least, you don’t look as geeky as the dubara mat poochna- ad model.. She gives you a chance.. and you take it. For the first time, you drop all the sham and tell her what you really are (well, almost.. the data on the password-protected hidden drive on you computer.. that’s still a secret for your private pleasure :-)

So, you take her to the nearest Café Coffee Day outlet. Barista is out of question – you see we are near station or bus stand – not near the posh M G Roads of India. Thus, your first date begins.. and life’s never the same again!

Oh yeah, the date planned for just one hour stretches out to over 2 hours.. and by the end of it you’ll come back feeling like it was all just a magic. If so, then you are hooked for life. Congrats! Your upma eating sessions can thus come to an end!

Disclaimer: If this bear any resemblance to anything that has happened to anyone, especially the author, it is purely coincidental. And if you find an incidence too coincidental, just assume that the author got inspired by the incident just like all our music directors do in Bollywood!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha... amazingly written... didnt just make me read on but remember a few things taht happened to me as well. First of, i am woman who met a tamil iyer guy through arranged circles... never thought "arranged marriage" would be my way, but being 28 and owning my own BPO didnt give me much of a roving eye... we chat online for a bit... met just teh way you described... yes, actually, it needn't happen this way only for the not-so-cool people...ive always been at least considered one to be extremely social and extravagent... ah the butterflies... we were so flippant that we went out for lunch and he forgot to order lunch... yes it can happen... we jsut had coffee and he shooed the waiter away... both of us were smiling silly :D...then his parents came to our house for the official "thing" i.e. after girl meet boy thing is over... and the tamil iyer mom-in-law came in with her true armour... didnt smile at me... never even spoke to me... didnt even drink water in my house; and finally went home to him.. threw a big tantrum and told him that ... i wasnt the one... no reason... i wasnt jsut the one... Thats the full story buddy... wish it had just ended where you ended yours...;)

Akshay said...

Thanks so much for sharing the experience Asha. Really sorry that it did not turn out to be a one with a happy ending. But then, if the mom-in-law had so much sway, i guess a marriage would have probably a fight all along with the saas-bahu.. Wish all the very best for the future and hope you at least get a decent lunch next time :-)

Unknown said...

hey i liked most of ur posts :)

I'm also in middle of the arranged mrg situation.

reading ur posts and you being a guy i would like to ask something
i'll write some points based on which i need ur advice..!

actually i met a guy through family and i liked him.
we talked for some half an hour.

he wants a working partner which is perfactly alright for me as i do job and wish to continue post mrg.
he also told me his salary even if i dint ask for it.

now comes the problem part....

I'm an average looking girl (cute as my frnds call me..!!) but i'm a li'l plump..! he's a gud looking man...kinda perfect i can say..

would he like me?
what do u think?!

Unknown said...

and yeah be honest alright...tell me whatever u feel...dont try to be gud to me its okay..!!

Anonymous said...

hey, my family also looking out for me.. n already have see few guys. but I don't know y guys of height 5'6'' or even 5'5'' prefer gals with height 5'3'' +.
i'm 5' ... and that is the problem.. I'm s/w professional and have good job in MNC just like as all the guys I 've seen. ppls say i'm good looking. y only height makes lot of difference wen it comes to the decision making

Liju James said...

@ aparna:
.
The Holy BIBLE - Proverbs 31:10-31
.
10 An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
.
.
lijujames25@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

HI,
I am a girl going through the arranged marriage stuffs. Have to meet a guy tomorrow. I will be going alone to him and his family. I am nervous and don’t know what to do, what to talk, how much is fine and how much is too much. I am bulky, and have a dark complexion. Have met two guys before also but however the things didn’t turn out well. Please advice on what to wear and what to do

Unknown said...

The funny part is if you pay the bill girl will think you have the superioirty complex. if she pays and u are mum then you dont have sulf respect and knows to eat only . its bery hard to judge and convince.

samir raichur said...

Its amazing to read all the views but wat about those who have to meet the girl in the presence of all family members and decide in half hour whether the girl is perfect for him or not????