August 6th is Friendship Day. I did not know about it until I got a forward from Nisha.
Friendship days used to come and go. It never meant much to me. I had too many friends around me to start thinking of them on any one day. But, here, staying away from all the people who mean so much to me, the importance of the day hit me like a brick.
What is it that makes friends so special? Is it because they share your experiences? You share that with parents and siblings. Is it because they share your ups and downs? This is shared with the colleagues at work or class mates in the college. Then, what is it that makes them so different? Maybe it’s because as friends, we share a lot more than some moments of time. We probably share a part of life, a few ticks of clock that not just becomes a part of your personal history but a part of you!
Come to think of it. When you are staying so far away, the only people who make an effort and try to talk to you and know what you want are the friends you left behind. Sure, there’ll be new acquaintances. But, is it the same thing?
You go to office. There are people around. You smile at them, make small talk and ask them what they did over the weekend. But, do we really care? Does the answer they give really matter? You could as well be talking to the chair and furniture and it’d make no difference. But, when you ask the friends, after a few moments, you get to know something that they never even told! Isn’t that a miracle by itself? What is that gave away you true feelings or thoughts? Is it that these special people in your life get to see a glimpse of your soul?
Not a day goes by when I don’t think of these *old days*. Those days filled with no responsibility, days filled with a lot of laughter, banter and fun. Invariably, the heart comes up with the question, “Can those days ever come back again?” And the mind answers, “Sorry”. With a loud sigh and heavy heart, I look around shake the head and move on. Yes, it is hard to be away from the people who really care for you. But, that is life. Everyone moves on in this journey called life.
Maybe it is because people move on that we finally start to understand the meaning of a true companionship. Maybe if things were to like a fairy tale, we’d never be able to appreciate the good things in life….
But, one thing is for certain. Once the paths of life have met and an exchange has taken place, there is no need to renew it. Unlike others, with friends life continues at any point in time. You may be engrossed in a big business, a major crisis and yet when a mail, call or a forward arrives, you are transported back to the days and moments you’d spent with this person called friend. And that is enough to go on in this world of aliens.
Happy Friendship day to all of you and thank you for being my friend.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
The Miracle of Life
For the past few days, there have been one natural disaster after the other marred by some human manufactured conflagrations. There was the tsunami in Indonesia (again) interspersed with the bombings in Mumbai followed by the sudden drying up of the Amazon basin with the West Asian flare up.
I was reading a book called “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by Bill Bryson. Amongst many other things, it traces the birth of life, the now incredible to imaging volcanic eruptions, the meteorite crashes that would make nuclear weapons look like kid’s toys and the deep freeze of the Ice Age. To top it all, the BBC was having a program about the massive glass deposits in Sahara which could have been caused by “Air bursts” – a meteorite exploding as a ball of fire just before it crashed into earth which not just created heat, but, melted the sand to form among other things, glass and diamond!
All of this got me thinking – life is so fragile. A simple earth-quake and millions are devastated. A tsunami hits the land and a country is brought down to its knees. The homo sapiens, a thinking man has is left absolutely powerless in this sudden display of raw power from the nature.
Why is it that we who could build such complex things as super computers, electron microscopes, airplanes and rockets be left so helpless against the nature’s fury? Explaining the complexity in measuring or monitoring the earth’s activities, Bryson has made a comment that is quite intriguing. Before saying that here’s the context:
• To predict earth quakes, we need to understand the working of the earth’s interior. Currently, all our knowledge of earth’s core is more of a conjecture. We have barely scratched the surface. Ditto with volcanoes.
• To say anything about draught and rain, we need to predict weather accurately. Our most computers have a problem in telling this simple thing: If you blow smoke in a room, how will it travel? If this can’t be predicted, then how can we predict the movement of water vapor and clouds in a very open environment with the earth spinning at thousands of kilometers on its axis and running ahead along its orbit?
• Even the latest satellites and telescopes can only see at barely the outer reaches of most galaxies and stars. We have barely understood our solar system. We simply don’t know how many comets and meteors are there. They could be simply like any pedestrian who suddenly comes on the path of earth’s orbit on a very dark night. Before we even know it, BANG!
Complaining about all this, Bryson says:
And yet, we survive and evolve and look and the sky and say, “How did it all begin?”
Isn’t it marvelous and truly incredible that in such a hostile environment we could all come to life and enjoy the bounties of life. Yet, instead of enjoying it, we are so involved in drawing lines on ground that can’t be seen just a few meters from the ground - we shed so much blood and cause strife. What if tomorrow a meteorite would hurl down and hit the war torn region of West Asia? The land there will simply vanish and so will the life. What will the freedom fighters fight over (assuming some are still alive)? A cindered earth which is poisonous and can neither be used for growing food nor for living?
Don’t you sometimes feel that we quibble over things that should not even be considered important? Somehow, we build grand museums and teach history and yet, we never seem to learn anything from it.. The same old quarrels, the same old greed and lust for power and finally, the same old winners oppressing the losers. Sure, the nature follows the rule of Survival of the Fittest. And yet, after all the blood-letting, if you discover there is nothing much to celebrate and nobody to even share the happiness with, is the whole struggle worth fighting?
{I know the thoughts are very jumbled – but, I just jotted down whatever kept coming into the mind..}
I was reading a book called “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by Bill Bryson. Amongst many other things, it traces the birth of life, the now incredible to imaging volcanic eruptions, the meteorite crashes that would make nuclear weapons look like kid’s toys and the deep freeze of the Ice Age. To top it all, the BBC was having a program about the massive glass deposits in Sahara which could have been caused by “Air bursts” – a meteorite exploding as a ball of fire just before it crashed into earth which not just created heat, but, melted the sand to form among other things, glass and diamond!
All of this got me thinking – life is so fragile. A simple earth-quake and millions are devastated. A tsunami hits the land and a country is brought down to its knees. The homo sapiens, a thinking man has is left absolutely powerless in this sudden display of raw power from the nature.
Why is it that we who could build such complex things as super computers, electron microscopes, airplanes and rockets be left so helpless against the nature’s fury? Explaining the complexity in measuring or monitoring the earth’s activities, Bryson has made a comment that is quite intriguing. Before saying that here’s the context:
• To predict earth quakes, we need to understand the working of the earth’s interior. Currently, all our knowledge of earth’s core is more of a conjecture. We have barely scratched the surface. Ditto with volcanoes.
• To say anything about draught and rain, we need to predict weather accurately. Our most computers have a problem in telling this simple thing: If you blow smoke in a room, how will it travel? If this can’t be predicted, then how can we predict the movement of water vapor and clouds in a very open environment with the earth spinning at thousands of kilometers on its axis and running ahead along its orbit?
• Even the latest satellites and telescopes can only see at barely the outer reaches of most galaxies and stars. We have barely understood our solar system. We simply don’t know how many comets and meteors are there. They could be simply like any pedestrian who suddenly comes on the path of earth’s orbit on a very dark night. Before we even know it, BANG!
Complaining about all this, Bryson says:
..we live in a universe whose age we can’t quite compute, surrounded by stars whose distance from us and each other we don’t altogether know, filled with matter we can’t identify, operating in conformance with physical laws whose properties we don’t truly understand.
And yet, we survive and evolve and look and the sky and say, “How did it all begin?”
Isn’t it marvelous and truly incredible that in such a hostile environment we could all come to life and enjoy the bounties of life. Yet, instead of enjoying it, we are so involved in drawing lines on ground that can’t be seen just a few meters from the ground - we shed so much blood and cause strife. What if tomorrow a meteorite would hurl down and hit the war torn region of West Asia? The land there will simply vanish and so will the life. What will the freedom fighters fight over (assuming some are still alive)? A cindered earth which is poisonous and can neither be used for growing food nor for living?
Don’t you sometimes feel that we quibble over things that should not even be considered important? Somehow, we build grand museums and teach history and yet, we never seem to learn anything from it.. The same old quarrels, the same old greed and lust for power and finally, the same old winners oppressing the losers. Sure, the nature follows the rule of Survival of the Fittest. And yet, after all the blood-letting, if you discover there is nothing much to celebrate and nobody to even share the happiness with, is the whole struggle worth fighting?
{I know the thoughts are very jumbled – but, I just jotted down whatever kept coming into the mind..}
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Bend it like Beckham and mend it like Football!
This was an article that had appeared in Times of India on 8th July, 2006. Amazing philosophy! Hope you'll like it..
Spirituality seldom dribbled with soccer, until the ‘Hand of God’ came into play during the quarter-final match of the 1986 World Cup football between Argentina and England. Diego Maradona claimed that divine intervention had helped him score the controversial goal.
A short film made in 2003 by Mike Walker — Does God Play Football? — explored the relationship between God and Tommy, a seven-year-old football fan. Tommy’s only desire is to have a father of his own to play football with. In the absence of a real Dad, he adopts God as his father with the help of a local priest — very like how the human soul longs for communion with the Universal spirit.
An individual remains unfit for spiritual journey without the requisite physical and mental strength. Vivekananda said: “You will be nearer to Heaven through football than through the study of the Bhagavad Gita”. A player’s patience and perseverance is tested on the football field at every moment; the ability to wriggle out of tough situations and hold on to one’s nerves in tight situations. A seeker, too, has to undergo such trials during the inward game of realisation.
Look at football as a metaphor for life. The ball is the individual’s ego. Team members are family and friends; trust in teammates is the foundation of a good relationship and helps the player win the match of happiness. The opposition players are obstacles like anger, pride, hatred, that must be overcome to reach the goalpost. The goalpost is the universal consciousness to which a person must ultimately submit the ego, to achieve true bliss. The coach is the guru who teaches the way and the player learns from his mistakes on the field. The referee is the law of karma that reinforces the correct rules for playing. The audience is society that reacts to performance on the field. As in life, a game that has started must end. As long as the person is in the game, one gets the illusion of limited time and space. Only when the game gets over, does one realise the limitlessness of time and space.
Every player is assigned a particular role on the field according to his skills — forward, midfielder, defender, or goalkeeper. Similarly, in life we have designated roles. Our capabilities and choices determine the contribution we make to the world through our work. Like a player who can manoeuvre the ball on the field, a person has the free will to choose his thoughts, words and actions. Football is meditation ‘on the run’. A player is always ‘in the moment’ for the entire duration of play. The player has no thought of past and no use for future, as all the scoring opportunities are created in the ‘now’.
Football teaches one to be a good spectator, one who watches the game with passionate detachment. For him, an exciting football match is only that — a game. Wins or losses, even for his favourite team, do not bother him. A good spectator is like a joyful observer of life; he witnesses events around him as they come and go, and remains detached as he is always centred in truth.
Today, football is a faith binding a legion of followers across the world. People, irrespective of their religions, nationalities and cultures, are tuning in simultaneously to watch live football. If this is not universal brotherhood, what else is?
Spirituality seldom dribbled with soccer, until the ‘Hand of God’ came into play during the quarter-final match of the 1986 World Cup football between Argentina and England. Diego Maradona claimed that divine intervention had helped him score the controversial goal.
A short film made in 2003 by Mike Walker — Does God Play Football? — explored the relationship between God and Tommy, a seven-year-old football fan. Tommy’s only desire is to have a father of his own to play football with. In the absence of a real Dad, he adopts God as his father with the help of a local priest — very like how the human soul longs for communion with the Universal spirit.
An individual remains unfit for spiritual journey without the requisite physical and mental strength. Vivekananda said: “You will be nearer to Heaven through football than through the study of the Bhagavad Gita”. A player’s patience and perseverance is tested on the football field at every moment; the ability to wriggle out of tough situations and hold on to one’s nerves in tight situations. A seeker, too, has to undergo such trials during the inward game of realisation.
Look at football as a metaphor for life. The ball is the individual’s ego. Team members are family and friends; trust in teammates is the foundation of a good relationship and helps the player win the match of happiness. The opposition players are obstacles like anger, pride, hatred, that must be overcome to reach the goalpost. The goalpost is the universal consciousness to which a person must ultimately submit the ego, to achieve true bliss. The coach is the guru who teaches the way and the player learns from his mistakes on the field. The referee is the law of karma that reinforces the correct rules for playing. The audience is society that reacts to performance on the field. As in life, a game that has started must end. As long as the person is in the game, one gets the illusion of limited time and space. Only when the game gets over, does one realise the limitlessness of time and space.
Every player is assigned a particular role on the field according to his skills — forward, midfielder, defender, or goalkeeper. Similarly, in life we have designated roles. Our capabilities and choices determine the contribution we make to the world through our work. Like a player who can manoeuvre the ball on the field, a person has the free will to choose his thoughts, words and actions. Football is meditation ‘on the run’. A player is always ‘in the moment’ for the entire duration of play. The player has no thought of past and no use for future, as all the scoring opportunities are created in the ‘now’.
Football teaches one to be a good spectator, one who watches the game with passionate detachment. For him, an exciting football match is only that — a game. Wins or losses, even for his favourite team, do not bother him. A good spectator is like a joyful observer of life; he witnesses events around him as they come and go, and remains detached as he is always centred in truth.
Today, football is a faith binding a legion of followers across the world. People, irrespective of their religions, nationalities and cultures, are tuning in simultaneously to watch live football. If this is not universal brotherhood, what else is?
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
The Man who Sued God
Has it ever happened to you that something bad happens and finding nobody else responsible, you simply bow down to fate and say, “Whatever happens, God destined it to be that way!” Well, think about it. If God planned something to happen in a particular way, is he responsible for it? If so, is he liable for the damages caused by his plans? Quite intriguing isn’t it?
Well, the movie, “The man who sues God” takes this thought to a near reality. Based on a true case in Australia
The movie starts out being a vindictive action by a man who has lost his only possession – his boat. Yet, when the case begins to develop, it really gets interesting. The first point he makes is, if the Church and other religious institutes call themselves as the representatives of God on earth, are they responsible for such calamities? If a flood occurs and it is called as an “act of God”, will the church bear the expenses of re habilitating the people who have suffered the losses?
The next point that he makes is that if we as humans knew what was going to happen, then, why would we even insure? If an insurance company can’t insure against a potential risk, saying it is an “act of God”, then, why have insurance?
The other point that he raises is, who are the people representing god on earth? Is is the Church or the insurance companies? If the insurance companies can come up with a clause of “act of God”, do they have experts in the areas of working of God?All this leaves the Church and the Insurance companies fuming. The conundrum for the church is this: If they call themselves the representatives of God, then, they must be liable for the damages caused by “acts of God”. To get away from this liability, they’ll have to prove that God does not exist. If this is the case, the, the Church would be the biggest and most fraudulent organization in the world. All the money collected in the name of God and charities would all be in the name of an entity which they can’t prove exists!
The end in the movie is a bit of anti-climax. The church and the insurance companies agree to split some expense and close the case. Since the hero has no money to continue the litigation, he accepts the money and manages to get some extra so that he can settle the amounts that many of people with similar problems.
The amazing thing about the movie was the way it was presented. What turned out to be an absolutely dumb thing became a real legal challenge. I mean, the Church having to prove that God does not exist to win the case seemed to be truly incredible. A poor guy, with no money and not even his boat manages to hold the Insurance and the Church for ransom!
Friday, April 07, 2006
Chennai in London!
Last weekend, we had been to East Ham to see some houses for rent. Our office is shifting again (!!!).
East Ham is an area that is about 40 minutes from the Waterloo Station. Yet, in those 40 minutes, it felt like we had traveled from London, UK to Chennai, India!
The place is amazing! The first site after getting down out of the station is a South Indian Dosa restaurant. Beside it, there is a video shop, selling (believe it or not!) only Tamil movie DVDs and VCDs. Just to check out the shop, we went in. The shop keeper was like any typical Tamil shop keeper. We asked him, “Do you have any Hindi movies?” He just took one bunch and gave it to us. I said, “Do you have Jaane bhi do Yarron?” He said, “See, I don’t understand Hindi. There are the Hindi CDs I have. Please select from his bunch!” Well, at least it made sense. Learning Hindi in UK is not really very useful, unless of course, you are staying in Southall! (Punjabi would be more useful)
After getting over the initial shock, we went to the real estate agent to show us the house. The guy, it turned out was called Ray (he called himself Ray of Sunshine). This guy looked at us and said, “Where are you from?” So, we went into giving the typical biography, “Hello! Myil from Chennai, Sriram from Pune and me from Pune” So he said, “Ok. Don’t you want to ask where I am from?” So, I said, “Where are you from?” He said, “I am a half Indian, half Pakistani, a half-Muslim and a half-Hindu!” Oh yeah, one of his parents is from Gujarat and the other from the area that is opposite to Gujarat on the other side of the border. Talk about a world without borders!
The houses though are not worth mentioning. They were so-so. So, we were roaming around the place. We found a eating joint called “Chennai Dosas”. It looked really inviting, given the fact that it was 3 pm in the afternoon and we had not eaten since 9 am. On entrance, the fresh aroma of filter coffee mixed with the enchanting smell of hot sambar wafted around. This moment was sheer magic. It was like a moment in heaven! After weeks and weeks of curd rice (with no pickle) and one day of Sandwich (minus cheese, salad, butter, salt and pepper), the very aroma was titillating.
Savoring this captivating moment, we sat down. I had starter as Dahi Vada and then, as a main course, Rava Masala Onion Dosa. The climax of this gustatory miracle was a Filter Kapee. Anyone who is an connoisseur of coffee in India would have been happy here. More so, if for 4 months, all you have been drinking is water+coffee powder – sugar – milk!
Well, I thought the surprises would end here, but, there was one last miracle. As it was not yet time to return, we were perambulating near the shopping center. We discovered a Temple -a Balaji Temple. Paying heeds to the God in UK, we came out and behold! There was a shop selling chakkali/murukku and mixture and all the condiments that moms make during all the festivals. We barged into the shop and literally ransacked the place of these condiments and 5 bottles of pickles (for the curd rice that we would be having over the future) we left for home. Thus ended the amazing trip to Chennai of UK.
East Ham is an area that is about 40 minutes from the Waterloo Station. Yet, in those 40 minutes, it felt like we had traveled from London, UK to Chennai, India!
The place is amazing! The first site after getting down out of the station is a South Indian Dosa restaurant. Beside it, there is a video shop, selling (believe it or not!) only Tamil movie DVDs and VCDs. Just to check out the shop, we went in. The shop keeper was like any typical Tamil shop keeper. We asked him, “Do you have any Hindi movies?” He just took one bunch and gave it to us. I said, “Do you have Jaane bhi do Yarron?” He said, “See, I don’t understand Hindi. There are the Hindi CDs I have. Please select from his bunch!” Well, at least it made sense. Learning Hindi in UK is not really very useful, unless of course, you are staying in Southall! (Punjabi would be more useful)
After getting over the initial shock, we went to the real estate agent to show us the house. The guy, it turned out was called Ray (he called himself Ray of Sunshine). This guy looked at us and said, “Where are you from?” So, we went into giving the typical biography, “Hello! Myil from Chennai, Sriram from Pune and me from Pune” So he said, “Ok. Don’t you want to ask where I am from?” So, I said, “Where are you from?” He said, “I am a half Indian, half Pakistani, a half-Muslim and a half-Hindu!” Oh yeah, one of his parents is from Gujarat and the other from the area that is opposite to Gujarat on the other side of the border. Talk about a world without borders!
The houses though are not worth mentioning. They were so-so. So, we were roaming around the place. We found a eating joint called “Chennai Dosas”. It looked really inviting, given the fact that it was 3 pm in the afternoon and we had not eaten since 9 am. On entrance, the fresh aroma of filter coffee mixed with the enchanting smell of hot sambar wafted around. This moment was sheer magic. It was like a moment in heaven! After weeks and weeks of curd rice (with no pickle) and one day of Sandwich (minus cheese, salad, butter, salt and pepper), the very aroma was titillating.
Savoring this captivating moment, we sat down. I had starter as Dahi Vada and then, as a main course, Rava Masala Onion Dosa. The climax of this gustatory miracle was a Filter Kapee. Anyone who is an connoisseur of coffee in India would have been happy here. More so, if for 4 months, all you have been drinking is water+coffee powder – sugar – milk!
Well, I thought the surprises would end here, but, there was one last miracle. As it was not yet time to return, we were perambulating near the shopping center. We discovered a Temple -a Balaji Temple. Paying heeds to the God in UK, we came out and behold! There was a shop selling chakkali/murukku and mixture and all the condiments that moms make during all the festivals. We barged into the shop and literally ransacked the place of these condiments and 5 bottles of pickles (for the curd rice that we would be having over the future) we left for home. Thus ended the amazing trip to Chennai of UK.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Brain Drain - Chankya explains why..
I am reading a book called Chanakya Neeti. It is a collection of the couplets by one of the greatest thinkers in India, Chanakya. In this simple 2 line stanza, he's explained the causal effect of brain drain. Wonder why we were beating our breasts for so many years, instead of reading this simple thing and starting to work on the ares of improvement!
Do not live in a country that does not allow you: self-respect, honour, means of living, a family, kith and kin, friends, well wishers, ways of education and self-development. Quit such a country. It is not fit for living.
Just think about it: A person wants to earn a living, have a happy life. If for each step of the life, a stifling bureaucracy digs its nose and robs the person and makes the person stoop low and loose his dignity, then, why will the person ever want to stay in such a place? Even after having earned the money by hard-work, if a socialistic government accuses the person of being an exploiter and taxes the harshest, then, why should this person even want to contribute his wealth for nation building in terms of taxes? No wonder we had huge hordes of black money! Education was all based on who knew whom. Merit was of no use. Of course, there were lots of friends and family members. Yet, all the other factors mentioned above were missing.
Compare it with the India now. The heroes now are Narayana Murthy, Abdul Kalam, et al: people who ooze dignity. And people who are also very rich. India now offers variety of opportunities for making a living; making money is not a bad thing anymore, things happen without one having to lose the self-respect. Education is still a bit tough, yet, meritocracy has taken firm roots. Family and friends are always there to guide us all. No wonder now people from abroad are now flocking back to the nation.
Do not live in a country that does not allow you: self-respect, honour, means of living, a family, kith and kin, friends, well wishers, ways of education and self-development. Quit such a country. It is not fit for living.
Just think about it: A person wants to earn a living, have a happy life. If for each step of the life, a stifling bureaucracy digs its nose and robs the person and makes the person stoop low and loose his dignity, then, why will the person ever want to stay in such a place? Even after having earned the money by hard-work, if a socialistic government accuses the person of being an exploiter and taxes the harshest, then, why should this person even want to contribute his wealth for nation building in terms of taxes? No wonder we had huge hordes of black money! Education was all based on who knew whom. Merit was of no use. Of course, there were lots of friends and family members. Yet, all the other factors mentioned above were missing.
Compare it with the India now. The heroes now are Narayana Murthy, Abdul Kalam, et al: people who ooze dignity. And people who are also very rich. India now offers variety of opportunities for making a living; making money is not a bad thing anymore, things happen without one having to lose the self-respect. Education is still a bit tough, yet, meritocracy has taken firm roots. Family and friends are always there to guide us all. No wonder now people from abroad are now flocking back to the nation.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Movie Review: Rang de Basanti
On Sunday, I watched the movie, Rang de Basanti in Southall, London. My first bollywood movie in UK.
It is a story of a group of friends, who representt the present generation: a generation who seem to have nothing to worry and nothing to motivate and live life for. Suddenly, a lady from Britain arrives. She’s the granddaughter of a jailor of the prison where Bhagat Singh and other revolutionaries were hanged.
Till the first half, it is all about fun and jokes where people kid each other about the freedom movement and all. The real fun is the guy who is so crazy about rap music that he converts the national anthem, vande mataram and other songs to a rap.. All he says is two words from everything and then moves on to some meaningless gibberish in English.
In the second half, the story turns serious. One of the friends, a pilot in the Air Force is killed as he crash-lands his Mig 21. The defence minister instead of initiating an enquiry accuses the pilot of being reckless. This suddenly ignites the passion to fight in them all and the friends take up a protest march. When there is a lathi(police stick/baton) charge and some of the friends are hurt and the pilot’s mother is beaten badly, the friends suddenly turn into revolutionaries. They kill the defence minister and take over a radio station to convey their justifications and are ultimately killed by the security forces.
Somehow, the analogy in the movie did not seem to be right. The revolution that started after the lathi charging and firing in Jallianwala bagh is definitely not comparable to the lathi-charge against the protesters in the present. And the sudden change from being reckless youths to passionate revolutionaries is sort of abrupt. The sudden decision to kill the defence minister and then killing one of the defence related bureaucrat who happens to a hero’s father is quite a overkill. (No pun intended!)
The cynicism that is prevalent in India, where the attitude is “Chalta hai” has been captured very nicely. The lack of any motivation for the Gen X/Y/Z (whatever we are called now) is also portrayed nicely. Yet, to say that killing is the correct means to achieve a goal seemed to be wrong. I guess the real moral of the story was somehow lost in the revolutionary zeal.
The director, I guess wanted to say what the pilot (played by Madhavan) says. This is repeated by Siddharth in the radio station too. The message is: “Stop complaining. If you want things to happen, you must be the initiator.” He says, if you want to change something, why don’t you become a defenceman, an IAS officer who can administer and weed out corruption, a minister who can reinvigorate a sense of serving? Instead, we all sit in Café’s sipping Hot Chocolate (or whatever) watching NDTV and then saying, India is going to the dogs! I guess the only way to improve our country is to first improve ourselves, our thinking.. I guess, Kennedy’s saying still holds, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country”.
The movie has made scathing attacks against the power hungry politicians yet, leaves away the bureaucrats with a bare scratch. After these are the guys who run the country. Policitans come and politicians fade away. What remains is the endless, tireless machinery of the babus. Against the strength of this babudom even the politicians may see themselves helpless. This was happened time and again when the whole IAS cadre raised against any move to classify them as public servants. The reason is, if they become public servants, then, they will have to serve the people, not harass, exploit and rule them. This strange phenomenon of a stone walling bureaucracy is very well brought out in the book, “India in slow motion” by Mark Tully.
Guess I was digressing a bit. Despite all the problems portrayed in the movie, I guess the youth in India are still much better off. At least there is a peer pressure and family expectation to study hard and be someone in life. In the west, even such a motivation does not exist and without the parents support, their life gets truly directionless.
Anyway, the movie on the whole was really well-made and the cinematography was class apart! The sepia colored flash-backs and the beautiful yellow sun-flowers in the end symbolizing sacrifice was a real nice touch. Three things just stood out in terms of picturization: The friends running towards a Mig 21 taking off with waving the shirts above their heads: Amir Khan breaking down after the pilot’ death and Amir’s absolutely surprise when he realizes the Brisher knows Hindi. “Yeh kudi to Hindi samjthi hai yaar!” Too good.
It is a story of a group of friends, who representt the present generation: a generation who seem to have nothing to worry and nothing to motivate and live life for. Suddenly, a lady from Britain arrives. She’s the granddaughter of a jailor of the prison where Bhagat Singh and other revolutionaries were hanged.
Till the first half, it is all about fun and jokes where people kid each other about the freedom movement and all. The real fun is the guy who is so crazy about rap music that he converts the national anthem, vande mataram and other songs to a rap.. All he says is two words from everything and then moves on to some meaningless gibberish in English.
In the second half, the story turns serious. One of the friends, a pilot in the Air Force is killed as he crash-lands his Mig 21. The defence minister instead of initiating an enquiry accuses the pilot of being reckless. This suddenly ignites the passion to fight in them all and the friends take up a protest march. When there is a lathi(police stick/baton) charge and some of the friends are hurt and the pilot’s mother is beaten badly, the friends suddenly turn into revolutionaries. They kill the defence minister and take over a radio station to convey their justifications and are ultimately killed by the security forces.
Somehow, the analogy in the movie did not seem to be right. The revolution that started after the lathi charging and firing in Jallianwala bagh is definitely not comparable to the lathi-charge against the protesters in the present. And the sudden change from being reckless youths to passionate revolutionaries is sort of abrupt. The sudden decision to kill the defence minister and then killing one of the defence related bureaucrat who happens to a hero’s father is quite a overkill. (No pun intended!)
The cynicism that is prevalent in India, where the attitude is “Chalta hai” has been captured very nicely. The lack of any motivation for the Gen X/Y/Z (whatever we are called now) is also portrayed nicely. Yet, to say that killing is the correct means to achieve a goal seemed to be wrong. I guess the real moral of the story was somehow lost in the revolutionary zeal.
The director, I guess wanted to say what the pilot (played by Madhavan) says. This is repeated by Siddharth in the radio station too. The message is: “Stop complaining. If you want things to happen, you must be the initiator.” He says, if you want to change something, why don’t you become a defenceman, an IAS officer who can administer and weed out corruption, a minister who can reinvigorate a sense of serving? Instead, we all sit in Café’s sipping Hot Chocolate (or whatever) watching NDTV and then saying, India is going to the dogs! I guess the only way to improve our country is to first improve ourselves, our thinking.. I guess, Kennedy’s saying still holds, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country”.
The movie has made scathing attacks against the power hungry politicians yet, leaves away the bureaucrats with a bare scratch. After these are the guys who run the country. Policitans come and politicians fade away. What remains is the endless, tireless machinery of the babus. Against the strength of this babudom even the politicians may see themselves helpless. This was happened time and again when the whole IAS cadre raised against any move to classify them as public servants. The reason is, if they become public servants, then, they will have to serve the people, not harass, exploit and rule them. This strange phenomenon of a stone walling bureaucracy is very well brought out in the book, “India in slow motion” by Mark Tully.
Guess I was digressing a bit. Despite all the problems portrayed in the movie, I guess the youth in India are still much better off. At least there is a peer pressure and family expectation to study hard and be someone in life. In the west, even such a motivation does not exist and without the parents support, their life gets truly directionless.
Anyway, the movie on the whole was really well-made and the cinematography was class apart! The sepia colored flash-backs and the beautiful yellow sun-flowers in the end symbolizing sacrifice was a real nice touch. Three things just stood out in terms of picturization: The friends running towards a Mig 21 taking off with waving the shirts above their heads: Amir Khan breaking down after the pilot’ death and Amir’s absolutely surprise when he realizes the Brisher knows Hindi. “Yeh kudi to Hindi samjthi hai yaar!” Too good.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Just another day at onsite..
Today, I thought would be just another normal day working at onsite. It’s been almost 4 months since I came to UK. At the end of the day, I really keep thinking, “How wrong could I have been?”
The day started with a call from my PM saying there was an issue with the deployment we had done yesterday. This was at 5:55 am in the morning. Life seemed to be all a turmoil from then on.
It seemed that some of the sites were down and we were being held responsible for it. There are sometimes when the meaning of self-confidence seems to make no sense. Here were client mails, client operations guys and our own company folks questioning if I had done something wrong. Ultimately, I was sitting and wondering, “Did I really screw-up this time? Is the tiny voice that seems to be making a last ditch effort all wrong? Should I just strangle and stifle that voice so that it shall stop tormenting me? Should I accept that I am one big mess?” All this and some more thoughts passed through my mind. I felt like the lousiest being on earth.
There were calls from here to India, India to US, US to UK and all around again. Somehow, I was not supposed to attend it. It seemed like a discussion by a jury, before it came out, looked at the pathetic soul which they now ruled and pronounced, “Guilty!” “Am I?” Somewhere a flickering doubt remained and kept pestering me.
By evening, the problem seemed to have evaporated. People were all friendly and “Happy Weekend to you” wishes were flying around. After day when my very being was put to test, these folks carried on like nothing happened at all. My manager simply said, “Welcome to the client-facing role”. That statement was made after handling many clients and multiple such issues. I wondered, what will it be like at his position? For after one day of this tribulation, I felt like a loser. For a person to answer these things, day-in and day-out, what must it be like? I could not imagine. My manager simply said, “These things happen. Concentrate on your daily work and things will work out fine.”
Yes, things will work out fine. But, the unsullied soul of mine is now ragged and stained. Will it ever get repaired? Probably not. Yes, I’ll become harder. The virginal innocence seems to have been raped at the hard-doors of reality. But yes, I’ll survive. Maybe, over a period of time, I’ll not even look back on such things. But, today, it was a day of absolute dismay, a day when everything I do was questioned.
Well, if you have read till here, and still willing to come onsite, please do. Just remember, on one day, you too shall face such a situation and maybe, I’ll be around and tell you, “Don’t worry. These things happen.”
The day started with a call from my PM saying there was an issue with the deployment we had done yesterday. This was at 5:55 am in the morning. Life seemed to be all a turmoil from then on.
It seemed that some of the sites were down and we were being held responsible for it. There are sometimes when the meaning of self-confidence seems to make no sense. Here were client mails, client operations guys and our own company folks questioning if I had done something wrong. Ultimately, I was sitting and wondering, “Did I really screw-up this time? Is the tiny voice that seems to be making a last ditch effort all wrong? Should I just strangle and stifle that voice so that it shall stop tormenting me? Should I accept that I am one big mess?” All this and some more thoughts passed through my mind. I felt like the lousiest being on earth.
There were calls from here to India, India to US, US to UK and all around again. Somehow, I was not supposed to attend it. It seemed like a discussion by a jury, before it came out, looked at the pathetic soul which they now ruled and pronounced, “Guilty!” “Am I?” Somewhere a flickering doubt remained and kept pestering me.
By evening, the problem seemed to have evaporated. People were all friendly and “Happy Weekend to you” wishes were flying around. After day when my very being was put to test, these folks carried on like nothing happened at all. My manager simply said, “Welcome to the client-facing role”. That statement was made after handling many clients and multiple such issues. I wondered, what will it be like at his position? For after one day of this tribulation, I felt like a loser. For a person to answer these things, day-in and day-out, what must it be like? I could not imagine. My manager simply said, “These things happen. Concentrate on your daily work and things will work out fine.”
Yes, things will work out fine. But, the unsullied soul of mine is now ragged and stained. Will it ever get repaired? Probably not. Yes, I’ll become harder. The virginal innocence seems to have been raped at the hard-doors of reality. But yes, I’ll survive. Maybe, over a period of time, I’ll not even look back on such things. But, today, it was a day of absolute dismay, a day when everything I do was questioned.
Well, if you have read till here, and still willing to come onsite, please do. Just remember, on one day, you too shall face such a situation and maybe, I’ll be around and tell you, “Don’t worry. These things happen.”
Monday, January 09, 2006
My color is Blue!
Took a quiz on this site.
And this was the result:
You're the color blue. You have the three c's in
life--you're cool, caring and confident.
Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally
attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic,
but that makes life all the better. You're an
imaginative person who loves sleeping and
dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you
excell in school. You're everybody's favorite,
and this is because you have this undefined
richness in your personality and attitude.
Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very
intelligent. Along with the fact that you're
conservative, you're worried about the
environment. So basically, you're a generous,
dependable and devoted--just the kind of person
everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if
everybody in the world were like you?
What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
And this was the result:
You're the color blue. You have the three c's in
life--you're cool, caring and confident.
Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally
attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic,
but that makes life all the better. You're an
imaginative person who loves sleeping and
dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you
excell in school. You're everybody's favorite,
and this is because you have this undefined
richness in your personality and attitude.
Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very
intelligent. Along with the fact that you're
conservative, you're worried about the
environment. So basically, you're a generous,
dependable and devoted--just the kind of person
everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if
everybody in the world were like you?
What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, January 07, 2006
World is Flat - My thoughts
Last week, I read a book titled, World is Flat. It was a very good work by Thomas L Friedman, trying to explain the globalization that we are living in. He has attributed most of the knowledge to Nandan Nilekhani and Vivek Paul. Infosys and Wipro seem to be present in every other page and Bangalore seems to be there all around. It was quite a change to read about India, as such an attractive place, rather than the usual stuff about corruption, poverty and communalism.
Some things in the book were really worth mentioning. First thing is, where the author describes the method to identify if a country is going to prosper or not. He says, before investing, you need to ask this: “Are the people living in this country dreaming about a future or are they recollecting its past greatness?” When it is the latter, he says, the heydays of the country have ended and it is time that the people living their dreams take over. Think about it. For people like me, growing up in India from the time markets opened up in 1990, the nation has looks like an entirely different one. Politics aside, the India Shining campaign was a huge success. Why? Instead of telling about Gandhi, Nehru and all, it said, what we can do and what we are doing. It did not try to tell us about the greatness of freedom fighters and the sacrifices they made.
Come to think of it: Did Gandhi, Nehru, et. all sacrifice so much to see a country that would honor them for 50 years, or did they do it so that they could drive the nation to the league of developed ones? Somehow, this point seemed to have lost out for half a century and we were living in the larger than life shadows of figures from history rather than honoring those who were continuously propelling India to her destiny of greatness.
Another point that was worth nothing was on the issue of openness: Friedman tells this small tale: There is this person whose family was split during the partition and his part of family ended up in Pakistan while another severed part ended in Mumbai, India. Friendman questioned him about the fact that India seemed to be developing into an IT giant, while Pakistan seemed to be getting world coverage for all the wrong reasons. So, this person replied, something like this: In India, when my relative sees a rich business man sitting in a plush home in Mumbai, he’ll turn to his dad and say, “Someday, I’ll be like him.” In Pakistan, the small kid, seeing a rich businessman will say, “Someday, I’ll kill him!”
Come to thing of it: Despite the rampart corruption, stifling reservation and anachronistic legislation, India is powered by a stifling competition. More importantly, there is a free press and the fundamental right of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Thought is not censured.
In the same week that I read the book, something else strange happened: I was sitting at the client location in UK and the client PM was talking about his trip to India. He was definitely pleased. In fact, he is handling two projects: One from our company, an Indian IT service provider and another one being handled by the client’s own IT department. It seems the second project was over-running the budget and the deadlines seemed like a joke. At one point he said something like this: Maybe we should have given this to you guys itself.
That statement summarized the change in perception: India is not a cheap destination. India and Indians are now seen as an epitome of quality and delivery capabilities. What we promise, we deliver. And this perception is for delivering extremely complicated 24/7/365 enterprise solutions and web solutions being accessed by millions of people, generating billions of dollars in revenue. Howz that metamorphosis for a country that was known for only its elephants, snake charmers and />
Still, like the debate over India Shining campaign, there are problems that we need to address. The rampart corruption, the illiteracy, the caste system and all are going to be issues that the government and the people of the country have to solve. I guess it is time now that the quality of life issues is addresses like a typical business problem for an IT organization. With detailed plans, timelines and budget, I am quite sure that a country that handles the sites like eBay and Yahoo can definitely solve the so called Third World Problems.
But one thing is clear: Behold, India is now awakening and staking her claim to greatness that she always deserved!
Some things in the book were really worth mentioning. First thing is, where the author describes the method to identify if a country is going to prosper or not. He says, before investing, you need to ask this: “Are the people living in this country dreaming about a future or are they recollecting its past greatness?” When it is the latter, he says, the heydays of the country have ended and it is time that the people living their dreams take over. Think about it. For people like me, growing up in India from the time markets opened up in 1990, the nation has looks like an entirely different one. Politics aside, the India Shining campaign was a huge success. Why? Instead of telling about Gandhi, Nehru and all, it said, what we can do and what we are doing. It did not try to tell us about the greatness of freedom fighters and the sacrifices they made.
Come to think of it: Did Gandhi, Nehru, et. all sacrifice so much to see a country that would honor them for 50 years, or did they do it so that they could drive the nation to the league of developed ones? Somehow, this point seemed to have lost out for half a century and we were living in the larger than life shadows of figures from history rather than honoring those who were continuously propelling India to her destiny of greatness.
Another point that was worth nothing was on the issue of openness: Friedman tells this small tale: There is this person whose family was split during the partition and his part of family ended up in Pakistan while another severed part ended in Mumbai, India. Friendman questioned him about the fact that India seemed to be developing into an IT giant, while Pakistan seemed to be getting world coverage for all the wrong reasons. So, this person replied, something like this: In India, when my relative sees a rich business man sitting in a plush home in Mumbai, he’ll turn to his dad and say, “Someday, I’ll be like him.” In Pakistan, the small kid, seeing a rich businessman will say, “Someday, I’ll kill him!”
Come to thing of it: Despite the rampart corruption, stifling reservation and anachronistic legislation, India is powered by a stifling competition. More importantly, there is a free press and the fundamental right of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Thought is not censured.
In the same week that I read the book, something else strange happened: I was sitting at the client location in UK and the client PM was talking about his trip to India. He was definitely pleased. In fact, he is handling two projects: One from our company, an Indian IT service provider and another one being handled by the client’s own IT department. It seems the second project was over-running the budget and the deadlines seemed like a joke. At one point he said something like this: Maybe we should have given this to you guys itself.
That statement summarized the change in perception: India is not a cheap destination. India and Indians are now seen as an epitome of quality and delivery capabilities. What we promise, we deliver. And this perception is for delivering extremely complicated 24/7/365 enterprise solutions and web solutions being accessed by millions of people, generating billions of dollars in revenue. Howz that metamorphosis for a country that was known for only its elephants, snake charmers and />
Still, like the debate over India Shining campaign, there are problems that we need to address. The rampart corruption, the illiteracy, the caste system and all are going to be issues that the government and the people of the country have to solve. I guess it is time now that the quality of life issues is addresses like a typical business problem for an IT organization. With detailed plans, timelines and budget, I am quite sure that a country that handles the sites like eBay and Yahoo can definitely solve the so called Third World Problems.
But one thing is clear: Behold, India is now awakening and staking her claim to greatness that she always deserved!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Nuptial Knots
Within the last few days, I've got news about the marriages of 7 of my friends! Seven friends! Can you imagine that? I mean, what is happening? Were all these people waiting for me to get out of India and then, decided to hitched?
Whatever the reason, I was pleasantly surprised. It's so nice to see all the friends with whom you have played pranks on poor teachers and lecturers, with whom you have joined the first job, with whom you have gone on innumerable girl check-out trips suddenly getting mature and settling down in life. What's more enlightening is the understanding of the complexity in this nuptial arrangement that seems to be coming to the fore when the matrimonial plans are getting finalized.
Being a hopeless optimist and a lazy guy, my attitude has been something like this: If somebody says, "Tomorrow, the sky will fall." Well, I'll not do anything much about until tomorrow morning until the sky actually starts hurtling towards the unsuspecting earth.
In this situation, it's quite overwhelming when you hear the friends making plans about, "Where will we settle? Near whose office should the house be? Who will sacrifice the career opportunities for making way to marriage?" And so on. Is it like these are the things that girls always have in mind or is it something like a dormant seed in everybody’s brain that suddenly sprouts whenever the marriage is imminent (adj: used in sentences like, ‘the storm is imminent’ Notice the similarity?) The reason is, my friends who are getting hitched were until the last few months thinking of only new restaurants, movie joints, latest certification and stuff like that. Oh yeah, also the best time to go to Prasadz to catch a glimpse of the best babes in Hyderabad. But, now, they just seem to have become as uninterested (note: I'm NOT using disinterested here.. that word means entirely something else) in all the typical guys activities. Please don't misconstrue this statement, but, is it like falling in love cures the guy like feelings out of you? Or is getting married such a heavy burden that nothing more in life is interesting or worth doing? Well, I've thought about it enough. And finally said, like a typical American teenager, "Whatever!"
Now, all this has left me in a precarious position. Suddenly, all my friends will be no longer bachelors (or bachelorettes, as the case may be {please forgive the spelling if it is wrong. My MS Word could not find it!), all of them will be having a family to think of and the typical family problems. What I am worried is, "What will I do with these guys?" If I go to a friends house and say, "Chalo man, let's go to Prasadz." Tat comes the reply, "No man! Gotto go to Food World and buy atta for tonight or else, the better half will get very angry and Shurpanaka would look like an angel in her comparison!" Mind you, nothing against Shurpanaka (minus the nose), but, didn't these guys know the various facets of their would-be just before jumping into the life-imprisonment of the institution of marriage... Even life-sentence in India is not more than 20 years!
Of course, I am going to be beaten up for having written such blasphemous things about the metamorphosis of the guys and girls after marriage. But, I say, that's occupational hazard... and after all, what's life without friends who'd love to hate you.
Talking about metamorphosis: In schools, we learn about how a butterfly lays eggs, then, it turns into a caterpillar (the egg, I mean) until it eats and eats like Jayalalitaa (note the 2 a's) and then, suddenly becomes a coccon (like Uma Bahrati often does in the alleged Himalayan caves) and then, behold! A beautiful butterfly emerges.
Now, even in human life, the human animal goes through something of a metamorphosis. From being happy, satisfied and happy-go-lucky individual, you see people going into misery, depression and helplessness that they have to (literally and figuratively) sleep with the enemy! I question the gentry of so called educationalists: Of what use is the caterpillar's metamorphosis to me when the human metamorphosis is infinitely more important? In case any of the aforementioned gentry members read it, mind you it is known as a rhetorical question.
After all this circumlocution, I shall return to the crux of the matter. {Or is it that I am speaking of the crux only now? Like I said before, Whatever!} That is, despite knowing all of the facts, and despite having seen the perils of matrimony, I shall one day ultimatelt fall into this curse. And I'm worried that if all my friends fall for marriage like flies, then, time's not far when my mom shall deem it important to help her son out his blissful existence into the shared misery of his aforementioned friends.
Well, whatsoever be the outcome, I just want to say, "Gals & Guys! Have a blissfully wedded life!" And hopefully, may the joy remain with you and may you stay out of the dangerous metamorphosis that I've outlined above!
Read on technorati at: Nuptial Knots
Whatever the reason, I was pleasantly surprised. It's so nice to see all the friends with whom you have played pranks on poor teachers and lecturers, with whom you have joined the first job, with whom you have gone on innumerable girl check-out trips suddenly getting mature and settling down in life. What's more enlightening is the understanding of the complexity in this nuptial arrangement that seems to be coming to the fore when the matrimonial plans are getting finalized.
Being a hopeless optimist and a lazy guy, my attitude has been something like this: If somebody says, "Tomorrow, the sky will fall." Well, I'll not do anything much about until tomorrow morning until the sky actually starts hurtling towards the unsuspecting earth.
In this situation, it's quite overwhelming when you hear the friends making plans about, "Where will we settle? Near whose office should the house be? Who will sacrifice the career opportunities for making way to marriage?" And so on. Is it like these are the things that girls always have in mind or is it something like a dormant seed in everybody’s brain that suddenly sprouts whenever the marriage is imminent (adj: used in sentences like, ‘the storm is imminent’ Notice the similarity?) The reason is, my friends who are getting hitched were until the last few months thinking of only new restaurants, movie joints, latest certification and stuff like that. Oh yeah, also the best time to go to Prasadz to catch a glimpse of the best babes in Hyderabad. But, now, they just seem to have become as uninterested (note: I'm NOT using disinterested here.. that word means entirely something else) in all the typical guys activities. Please don't misconstrue this statement, but, is it like falling in love cures the guy like feelings out of you? Or is getting married such a heavy burden that nothing more in life is interesting or worth doing? Well, I've thought about it enough. And finally said, like a typical American teenager, "Whatever!"
Now, all this has left me in a precarious position. Suddenly, all my friends will be no longer bachelors (or bachelorettes, as the case may be {please forgive the spelling if it is wrong. My MS Word could not find it!), all of them will be having a family to think of and the typical family problems. What I am worried is, "What will I do with these guys?" If I go to a friends house and say, "Chalo man, let's go to Prasadz." Tat comes the reply, "No man! Gotto go to Food World and buy atta for tonight or else, the better half will get very angry and Shurpanaka would look like an angel in her comparison!" Mind you, nothing against Shurpanaka (minus the nose), but, didn't these guys know the various facets of their would-be just before jumping into the life-imprisonment of the institution of marriage... Even life-sentence in India is not more than 20 years!
Of course, I am going to be beaten up for having written such blasphemous things about the metamorphosis of the guys and girls after marriage. But, I say, that's occupational hazard... and after all, what's life without friends who'd love to hate you.
Talking about metamorphosis: In schools, we learn about how a butterfly lays eggs, then, it turns into a caterpillar (the egg, I mean) until it eats and eats like Jayalalitaa (note the 2 a's) and then, suddenly becomes a coccon (like Uma Bahrati often does in the alleged Himalayan caves) and then, behold! A beautiful butterfly emerges.
Now, even in human life, the human animal goes through something of a metamorphosis. From being happy, satisfied and happy-go-lucky individual, you see people going into misery, depression and helplessness that they have to (literally and figuratively) sleep with the enemy! I question the gentry of so called educationalists: Of what use is the caterpillar's metamorphosis to me when the human metamorphosis is infinitely more important? In case any of the aforementioned gentry members read it, mind you it is known as a rhetorical question.
After all this circumlocution, I shall return to the crux of the matter. {Or is it that I am speaking of the crux only now? Like I said before, Whatever!} That is, despite knowing all of the facts, and despite having seen the perils of matrimony, I shall one day ultimatelt fall into this curse. And I'm worried that if all my friends fall for marriage like flies, then, time's not far when my mom shall deem it important to help her son out his blissful existence into the shared misery of his aforementioned friends.
Well, whatsoever be the outcome, I just want to say, "Gals & Guys! Have a blissfully wedded life!" And hopefully, may the joy remain with you and may you stay out of the dangerous metamorphosis that I've outlined above!
Read on technorati at: Nuptial Knots
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Fears, Worries & Childhood...
Today, while chatting with a college of mine, we were discussing about how people seem to worry so much. Yet, if you look back over it, it all seems to be such a trivial or silly thing.
Do you remember the childhood? I used to worry about reaching the school on time. But, my biggest concern of all was on Sunday mornings. On Sundays, Dad used to make omlette and bread. Somehow, it has become a ritual that we follow till today at home. Fact is, the moment he’d pour the egg on the pan, I’d run into the kitchen and stretch to see what was happening to my precious. If, and God forbid, if it tore, I’d sit and cry. It was probably the only thing, I remember that I used to cry a lot. Now, here when I make omlette daily in UK, I miss that passion for my precious. If it tears, I still eat, without a fuss. But, somehow, it never seems to taste like what it used to be in childhood.
At around the same time, my parents had devised a method to control my tantrums – it was locking me up in the toilet and switching off the light. It was such a fearful thing, that the very mention of it would instantly subdue me. I used to be shit-scared of the very fact that something that I’d do would result in this horrible punishment! There are nights now, when I’ve had to stay alone in the house and don’t think twice about it. Yet, when the light finally returns, there is no thrill or the utter relief of being safe – the cynical mind now says, “Ok power’s back. Donno when it’ll go dark again.”
During the school days, the biggest fear was facing the wrath of teacher over an incomplete home-work. I’d do anything to complete the geography maps, the history answers and the science projects. (Hindi homework, I used to procrastinate) Yet, if the same teacher wrote a simple, “Good” in the notebook, it’d be the greatest victory on earth. A simple four letter word in a barely readable hand-writing was worth so much. Today, there are client appreciation mails and Cognizant’s Associate of the Year award. Somehow, it never seems to give the same sort of inner satisfaction that used to there when I was a kid!
When I was a kid, my dad used to go on long tours, sometimes, for almost 10-15 days. When he’d return, he’d get some chocolate like Cadbury’s dairy milk or my favourite, Crackle. I’d be so thrilled that I’d clutch it and walk around for half an hour without putting away the precious gift. After that, I’d put it in the fridge. I’d revere the chocolate so much that for the first 3-4 days, I’d not even eat it. By then, my Mom would get totally restless with the chocolate staring at her everytime she opened the fridge door. One of the days, when I was at school, she’d open the chocolate packet and bite off one of the pieces. And there would be hell to pay for her transgression! Today, I go to shopping malls with rows and rows of chocolates. I’ve not bought a single one, even though I sent many packets back to the team. Somehow, it never appeals and never seems to hold any sway at all!
Finally, when I was a kid, the biggest worry of all was being away from Mom. Even today, she says, “Sereg hindene irtayidhe”{You used to be behind my saree always}. One day, my parents left me at my cousin’s place. There were 6 of my other cousins staying over at his place. Until night, I was fine. Suddenly, when the time came to sleep, I was petrified. I started crying and pleading. Unable to bear it all, my uncle took me back to our house. I rushed into the house and hugged my mom tightly, sniffing all along. Yesterday, my mom broke down over the phone and said, “There was a time when you’d not leave my saree.. Today, you are thousands of kilometers away, without a chance of running back to me. How do you feel?”
Well mom, all I feel is that if I could turn back the time, I’d do it just now and go back to the wonderful childhood. After all, who gives a damn about this job, career, promotion, politics and client appreciation? I don’t mind the fear of my omlette tearing or the dark toilet, if only, I could turn back time…….
Do you remember the childhood? I used to worry about reaching the school on time. But, my biggest concern of all was on Sunday mornings. On Sundays, Dad used to make omlette and bread. Somehow, it has become a ritual that we follow till today at home. Fact is, the moment he’d pour the egg on the pan, I’d run into the kitchen and stretch to see what was happening to my precious. If, and God forbid, if it tore, I’d sit and cry. It was probably the only thing, I remember that I used to cry a lot. Now, here when I make omlette daily in UK, I miss that passion for my precious. If it tears, I still eat, without a fuss. But, somehow, it never seems to taste like what it used to be in childhood.
At around the same time, my parents had devised a method to control my tantrums – it was locking me up in the toilet and switching off the light. It was such a fearful thing, that the very mention of it would instantly subdue me. I used to be shit-scared of the very fact that something that I’d do would result in this horrible punishment! There are nights now, when I’ve had to stay alone in the house and don’t think twice about it. Yet, when the light finally returns, there is no thrill or the utter relief of being safe – the cynical mind now says, “Ok power’s back. Donno when it’ll go dark again.”
During the school days, the biggest fear was facing the wrath of teacher over an incomplete home-work. I’d do anything to complete the geography maps, the history answers and the science projects. (Hindi homework, I used to procrastinate) Yet, if the same teacher wrote a simple, “Good” in the notebook, it’d be the greatest victory on earth. A simple four letter word in a barely readable hand-writing was worth so much. Today, there are client appreciation mails and Cognizant’s Associate of the Year award. Somehow, it never seems to give the same sort of inner satisfaction that used to there when I was a kid!
When I was a kid, my dad used to go on long tours, sometimes, for almost 10-15 days. When he’d return, he’d get some chocolate like Cadbury’s dairy milk or my favourite, Crackle. I’d be so thrilled that I’d clutch it and walk around for half an hour without putting away the precious gift. After that, I’d put it in the fridge. I’d revere the chocolate so much that for the first 3-4 days, I’d not even eat it. By then, my Mom would get totally restless with the chocolate staring at her everytime she opened the fridge door. One of the days, when I was at school, she’d open the chocolate packet and bite off one of the pieces. And there would be hell to pay for her transgression! Today, I go to shopping malls with rows and rows of chocolates. I’ve not bought a single one, even though I sent many packets back to the team. Somehow, it never appeals and never seems to hold any sway at all!
Finally, when I was a kid, the biggest worry of all was being away from Mom. Even today, she says, “Sereg hindene irtayidhe”{You used to be behind my saree always}. One day, my parents left me at my cousin’s place. There were 6 of my other cousins staying over at his place. Until night, I was fine. Suddenly, when the time came to sleep, I was petrified. I started crying and pleading. Unable to bear it all, my uncle took me back to our house. I rushed into the house and hugged my mom tightly, sniffing all along. Yesterday, my mom broke down over the phone and said, “There was a time when you’d not leave my saree.. Today, you are thousands of kilometers away, without a chance of running back to me. How do you feel?”
Well mom, all I feel is that if I could turn back the time, I’d do it just now and go back to the wonderful childhood. After all, who gives a damn about this job, career, promotion, politics and client appreciation? I don’t mind the fear of my omlette tearing or the dark toilet, if only, I could turn back time…….
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Raju's mail
Raju was my room-mate in Hyderabad and is now onsite, currently residing in US. October 30th was his Birthday and I'd asked him, what was his Birthday program. And he replied with this *Program*!!!
This was my birthday program :))
birthDay()
{
sleep++;
sleep++;
movie++;
drink++;
eat++;
sleep++;
sleep++;
}
I'd also told him that within 15 days of coming to UK, I'd felt that everything here seemed to be running on money. And this is what he's replied:
" You seem to have learned the truth about being onsite quite early. Though you have not seen the worst yet. I am not trying to terrify you, but thats what happens to most of the ppl. And again not necessarily to everyone. And hope you are among the better half. What happens is boredom starts to kill you. You are desperate to go back but you cannot, coz of the "MONEY" and commitments. How much ever you think, "MONEY" will supercede all your decisions. Make lots of friends and you can spend a better time here."
Well, it does seem scary!
This was my birthday program :))
birthDay()
{
sleep++;
sleep++;
movie++;
drink++;
eat++;
sleep++;
sleep++;
}
I'd also told him that within 15 days of coming to UK, I'd felt that everything here seemed to be running on money. And this is what he's replied:
" You seem to have learned the truth about being onsite quite early. Though you have not seen the worst yet. I am not trying to terrify you, but thats what happens to most of the ppl. And again not necessarily to everyone. And hope you are among the better half. What happens is boredom starts to kill you. You are desperate to go back but you cannot, coz of the "MONEY" and commitments. How much ever you think, "MONEY" will supercede all your decisions. Make lots of friends and you can spend a better time here."
Well, it does seem scary!
Friday, October 28, 2005
Book review: Lexus and the Olive Tree
Today, I was reading a book, the Lexus and the Olive Tree by Thomas L Friedman. It’s a book about the spread of globalization and the repercussions felt by various countries, cultures and the people all over the world.
In it, he has raised a very nice point. Globalization is being spread at a rapid rate because of two factors:
He says, just imagine what will happen if the economies of US, Europe and Japan suddenly stagnates. One fine day, the engine of globalization is just shut off!
It is a scenario that is quite hard to even imagine. Countries like India have benefited hugely by the fruits of globalization. IT is not the only thing that has come in. Just look at the manufacturing sector. Toyota has outsourced its components to Bharat Forge. Many well-known fashion chains in the West source the clothes from factories in Coimbatore. The result is a rapid increase in the standard of living for Indians.
Just 10 years back, I remember an India where the socialistic stamp was present everywhere:
Want a telephone? Book and wait for three years.
Want a Maruti (Ambassador and Premier Padmini were getting out of fashion)? Wait for two years.
See the difference now:
Want a telephone? Give the address, next day, telephone will be installed. If not, buy a SIM card right now and start talking.
Want a car? Come to the show-room. Take a test ride. If you like it, take it right now. Pay later!
Yes, India as a whole has improved a lot. Yet, most of the change has been driven by the growth in the Americas, Europe and Japanese economies. If suddenly they were to stagnate, what will happen to the growth in India?
It’s a rather gloomy thought. Companies like Infosys, Wipro and TCS would overnight find that they have no new clients. The existing clients too could stop starting new projects. What will happen to the thousands of engineers who are passing out of the assembly line of the Engineering Colleges in India? What will happen the banks who were behind the life selling loans, house loans, car loans? Guess they will go back to the mode of being the stingy Shylock that they generally were.
The second point though was a real eye-opener. Globalization is spreading, not because labour is cheaper elsewhere, but, due to rapid growth in technology.
In the book, the author says, a receptionist was fired in his office. She was fired because a voice-mail system was used as a replacement. But, the poiliticians out there would never raise a slogan, “Throw out the voice mail! Boo to technology”. Instead, they would target Mexican immigrants. Mexicans are responsible for the job losses! Extradite them all. Build higher and higher walls.
Why was this done? Because targeting an intangible high technology is not a good campaign policy. Mexicans are a lot more tangible.
Similar thing is happening now when it comes to the question of Outsourcing. Low labour is being blamed. Indians and Chinese are being projected as leeches sucking out the jobs from the affluent markets and driving them to joblessness and poverty. Is this the only reason why such a mass exodus of the jobs is happening?
Isn’t the fact that these nations have got used to a system of social security and other free lunch programs left them lot lazy to work? Hasn’t the excess indulgence in “good education” made them phobic to technical subjects, letting the Asians take advantage of the better higher education standards in the same counties?
Well, these some of the points that just came to my mind. I know I’ve not put in any solutions to the issues. Still, I just thought I had to put all my thoughts down somewhere – so here it is on my blog!
In it, he has raised a very nice point. Globalization is being spread at a rapid rate because of two factors:
- Rapid technological growth
- Gigantic economies of America, the Western Europe and Japan
He says, just imagine what will happen if the economies of US, Europe and Japan suddenly stagnates. One fine day, the engine of globalization is just shut off!
It is a scenario that is quite hard to even imagine. Countries like India have benefited hugely by the fruits of globalization. IT is not the only thing that has come in. Just look at the manufacturing sector. Toyota has outsourced its components to Bharat Forge. Many well-known fashion chains in the West source the clothes from factories in Coimbatore. The result is a rapid increase in the standard of living for Indians.
Just 10 years back, I remember an India where the socialistic stamp was present everywhere:
Want a telephone? Book and wait for three years.
Want a Maruti (Ambassador and Premier Padmini were getting out of fashion)? Wait for two years.
See the difference now:
Want a telephone? Give the address, next day, telephone will be installed. If not, buy a SIM card right now and start talking.
Want a car? Come to the show-room. Take a test ride. If you like it, take it right now. Pay later!
Yes, India as a whole has improved a lot. Yet, most of the change has been driven by the growth in the Americas, Europe and Japanese economies. If suddenly they were to stagnate, what will happen to the growth in India?
It’s a rather gloomy thought. Companies like Infosys, Wipro and TCS would overnight find that they have no new clients. The existing clients too could stop starting new projects. What will happen to the thousands of engineers who are passing out of the assembly line of the Engineering Colleges in India? What will happen the banks who were behind the life selling loans, house loans, car loans? Guess they will go back to the mode of being the stingy Shylock that they generally were.
The second point though was a real eye-opener. Globalization is spreading, not because labour is cheaper elsewhere, but, due to rapid growth in technology.
In the book, the author says, a receptionist was fired in his office. She was fired because a voice-mail system was used as a replacement. But, the poiliticians out there would never raise a slogan, “Throw out the voice mail! Boo to technology”. Instead, they would target Mexican immigrants. Mexicans are responsible for the job losses! Extradite them all. Build higher and higher walls.
Why was this done? Because targeting an intangible high technology is not a good campaign policy. Mexicans are a lot more tangible.
Similar thing is happening now when it comes to the question of Outsourcing. Low labour is being blamed. Indians and Chinese are being projected as leeches sucking out the jobs from the affluent markets and driving them to joblessness and poverty. Is this the only reason why such a mass exodus of the jobs is happening?
Isn’t the fact that these nations have got used to a system of social security and other free lunch programs left them lot lazy to work? Hasn’t the excess indulgence in “good education” made them phobic to technical subjects, letting the Asians take advantage of the better higher education standards in the same counties?
Well, these some of the points that just came to my mind. I know I’ve not put in any solutions to the issues. Still, I just thought I had to put all my thoughts down somewhere – so here it is on my blog!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Negotiation strategies in Mahabharata
Got this forward from a Karthik. Very nice analysis of the strategies involved in Mahabharatha...
Negotiation is an important skill in business. How to negotiate? There aren't any standard rulebooks for it. But even much before the modern books started wring on it, Mahabharatha gives us some guide lines to negotiate.
Time: The timing of your negotiation should be perfect. Krishna makes kunthi approach karna at dawn to negotiate. The visit was unexpected and thus karna is surprised. In negotiation surprising your opponent is important. He will be caught unguarded. Further at dawn karna worships his father Surya and during that time his mother walks in.
Isolation: It is important to isolate the opponent in a negotiation. If he is with people who can influence him or make him think, then negotiation will be difficult. Had karna been with Duriyodana he would have felt embarrassed to give the boon which kunthi asked. He might even have refused to give the boon which kunthi asked, since it was against his friend Duriyodana. But he was isolated when kunthi approached him.
Starting high: In negotiation if you want to sell a product for Rs.100 you should not give the first quote at Rs.100. You should ask Rs.120 or Rs.150 bargain and finally settle down at Rs.100. If you start at Rs.100, your opponent will ask for Rs.60 and you will settle down at Rs.80 finally.
Similarly kunthi starts high. She asks karna to join pandavas and karna refuses it as expected. But then he is weakened by this refusal. His mother's first request and he refused it. So he says 'ask me anything except joining pandavas. Kunthi then asks him not to kill any pandavas except Arjuna. Krishna and she know that karna cannot kill Arjuna because Arjuna will be protected by Krishna. Further among the pandavas the only person who can kill karna is Arjuna. Thus karna signs his own death warrant.
Selecting the negotiator: Selecting the negotiator too is important. Krishna selected kunthi, the mother of karna. Not all businessmen can have such negotiators at his service. Krishna had them and used them properly.
Don't start negotiating initially: Nobody should negotiate the moment you enter a shop. Be friendly with the shop keeper, talk friendly things and finally negotiate. In other words create an environment suitable for negotiation. Weaken your opponent and finally negotiate when the situation is apt. Kunthi does this perfectly. First she emotionally weakens karna. Then while leaving she asks what she wanted. Karna refuses; kunthi persists and finally gets what she wanted.
Don't empower your negotiator to weaken yourself: In negotiation if you give too much power to the negotiator on your side you have a danger. Your opponent might defeat you and will get something dangerous from you. Krishna found this out from sending Indra as the negotiator. Indra asked for karna's armour and got it. But Indra was so moved by karna's act, that he gave him 'Shakthi'. Karna managed to get something from the negotiation.
So Krishna sends kunthi this time. Kunthi could never have given anything solid to karna. Kunthi had nothing with her. She could never have revealed karna's identity to her sons, thus karna could never have asked anything that could weaken pandavas from kunthi.
When negotiation fails weaken your opponent as far as possible: Krishna too negotiated with Duriyodana. That negotiation failed. So Krishna weakens Duriyodana as far as possible. He creates a rift between Duriyodana and Vithura by staying in Vithura's house. Duriyodana abuses Vithura for this and Vithura leaves Duriyodana. Then Krishna makes Duriyodana appear mean. When Duriyodana gets infuriated he wont listen to any small request from anybody. So when Duriyodana is totally infuriated Krishna climbs down from his stand point of asking half the kingdom. He perfectly knew that Duriyodana will refuse even a single penny with that mindset. So he asks 5 villages, and then asks 5 houses....the lowest which anybody can go.
Had Duriyodana been intelligent he could have given 5 houses and he would have won. But he even refuses it. Krishna knew this perfectly. He did not come to Hasthinapura to get 5 houses for pandavas. He wanted to weaken Duriyodana as far as possible. Duriyodana by refusing to give even 5 houses earns the wrath of public. "All they asked was 5 houses and he even refuses it. He is adamant and only because of him the war started" will be the common impression among public and soldiers.
Thus Krishna managed to gain even while the negotiation failed.
Interestingly even hanuman does that in Ramayana. When Ravana refuses to handover Seetha to Rama, he weakens Ravana by burning his capital, killing asuras. This was the first time when Ravana's capital city was ransacked by anybody. All asuras were weakened by thinking "one monkey did this; millions of monkeys will attack us in future. What will happen?"
Negotiation is an important skill in business. How to negotiate? There aren't any standard rulebooks for it. But even much before the modern books started wring on it, Mahabharatha gives us some guide lines to negotiate.
Time: The timing of your negotiation should be perfect. Krishna makes kunthi approach karna at dawn to negotiate. The visit was unexpected and thus karna is surprised. In negotiation surprising your opponent is important. He will be caught unguarded. Further at dawn karna worships his father Surya and during that time his mother walks in.
Isolation: It is important to isolate the opponent in a negotiation. If he is with people who can influence him or make him think, then negotiation will be difficult. Had karna been with Duriyodana he would have felt embarrassed to give the boon which kunthi asked. He might even have refused to give the boon which kunthi asked, since it was against his friend Duriyodana. But he was isolated when kunthi approached him.
Starting high: In negotiation if you want to sell a product for Rs.100 you should not give the first quote at Rs.100. You should ask Rs.120 or Rs.150 bargain and finally settle down at Rs.100. If you start at Rs.100, your opponent will ask for Rs.60 and you will settle down at Rs.80 finally.
Similarly kunthi starts high. She asks karna to join pandavas and karna refuses it as expected. But then he is weakened by this refusal. His mother's first request and he refused it. So he says 'ask me anything except joining pandavas. Kunthi then asks him not to kill any pandavas except Arjuna. Krishna and she know that karna cannot kill Arjuna because Arjuna will be protected by Krishna. Further among the pandavas the only person who can kill karna is Arjuna. Thus karna signs his own death warrant.
Selecting the negotiator: Selecting the negotiator too is important. Krishna selected kunthi, the mother of karna. Not all businessmen can have such negotiators at his service. Krishna had them and used them properly.
Don't start negotiating initially: Nobody should negotiate the moment you enter a shop. Be friendly with the shop keeper, talk friendly things and finally negotiate. In other words create an environment suitable for negotiation. Weaken your opponent and finally negotiate when the situation is apt. Kunthi does this perfectly. First she emotionally weakens karna. Then while leaving she asks what she wanted. Karna refuses; kunthi persists and finally gets what she wanted.
Don't empower your negotiator to weaken yourself: In negotiation if you give too much power to the negotiator on your side you have a danger. Your opponent might defeat you and will get something dangerous from you. Krishna found this out from sending Indra as the negotiator. Indra asked for karna's armour and got it. But Indra was so moved by karna's act, that he gave him 'Shakthi'. Karna managed to get something from the negotiation.
So Krishna sends kunthi this time. Kunthi could never have given anything solid to karna. Kunthi had nothing with her. She could never have revealed karna's identity to her sons, thus karna could never have asked anything that could weaken pandavas from kunthi.
When negotiation fails weaken your opponent as far as possible: Krishna too negotiated with Duriyodana. That negotiation failed. So Krishna weakens Duriyodana as far as possible. He creates a rift between Duriyodana and Vithura by staying in Vithura's house. Duriyodana abuses Vithura for this and Vithura leaves Duriyodana. Then Krishna makes Duriyodana appear mean. When Duriyodana gets infuriated he wont listen to any small request from anybody. So when Duriyodana is totally infuriated Krishna climbs down from his stand point of asking half the kingdom. He perfectly knew that Duriyodana will refuse even a single penny with that mindset. So he asks 5 villages, and then asks 5 houses....the lowest which anybody can go.
Had Duriyodana been intelligent he could have given 5 houses and he would have won. But he even refuses it. Krishna knew this perfectly. He did not come to Hasthinapura to get 5 houses for pandavas. He wanted to weaken Duriyodana as far as possible. Duriyodana by refusing to give even 5 houses earns the wrath of public. "All they asked was 5 houses and he even refuses it. He is adamant and only because of him the war started" will be the common impression among public and soldiers.
Thus Krishna managed to gain even while the negotiation failed.
Interestingly even hanuman does that in Ramayana. When Ravana refuses to handover Seetha to Rama, he weakens Ravana by burning his capital, killing asuras. This was the first time when Ravana's capital city was ransacked by anybody. All asuras were weakened by thinking "one monkey did this; millions of monkeys will attack us in future. What will happen?"
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Marriage and Family compatibilities
Yesterday, we (Anagha, Suyog and me) met up with Swathi. She'd been here for the week end. Ashish's parents and grand-parents had come over to meet Swathi's parents and relatives. They wanted to finalize on the entire process of the marriage. (In Cognizant software terminology, they wanted to get PSPH {Project Specific Process Handbook} in place!}
While having lunch, Swathi recounted the entire episode was and how pleased she was that the families seemed to be so very compatible. She kept on repeating the point that for a girl this is a very important factor. This got me thinking….. about the rituals and the traditions that we have in India.
The Indian tradition is so really strange. It expects that after marriage, the girl will become a member of the husband's family and the she'll lose her status of the family member in her own family! Also, the Indian tradition says that the male descendents are the only ones responsible for the welfare of the parents when they grow old.
In olden days, with huge families, maybe this policy made sense. There was more than one son to take care of the parents and also, the girl had to relinquish her hold on the property. This I feel was correct especially if the girl happened to marry the eldest brother. Traditionally, he's the one who'd inherit the lion's share from the parents. The girl on marriage would become a partner, superseding all the husband's brothers. If she had a say in her own family too, then the passing on of the heritage would have become a mess.
But, in modern days, with nuclear families and the single child policy, is this a really correct way of uniting families? Let's explore the repercussions on the guy and the girl in a modern day situation. Let's start with the traditional setup:
After marriage, the girl becomes a member of her husband's family. She is supposed to adjust and ensure that her addition does not drastically alter the delicate structure of family relationships in the husband's household. She is supposed to serve the in-laws and take care of the husband's needs. In return, all she gets is the love and affection of her husband, if he is a good one. If not, even this is denied. The girl was entirely dependent on the husband for all her needs.
For a guy, the change was negligible. He'd get a nice advisor, cum friend and a person who'd help him at all his needs. The wife was someone, who was taken for granted. She'd do whatever he said and she'd probably have no say in his lifestyle.
In modern day, most of the things are not true. The girl is financially independent. The guy cannot take her for granted. In this scenario, what exactly does marriage mean for the guy the girl in terms of the compatibility of the families?
For a girl, she is worried if the guy's parents will accept her. She still is considered to become a part of the family after the nuptials. She still has to take care of the in-laws. But, she's now also responsible for her job and her parents. Since the family size is small, she may be the only kid and she may have to take care of the parents in their time of need. My question is: does the Indian society event recognize this need? What if the son(s) neglect the parents and they are left with nobody but their daughter for help? Will the Indian society accept the fact that the girl's parents are staying with her after marriage?
For a guy, things are a bit simpler. The expectation from the girl's parents is just that he keeps their daughter happy. He's not expected to serve the in-laws. Still, isn't it his responsibility to ensure that his wife's parents too are cared for? What if a situation arises where the husband and the wife are both the only kids of their parents? How is the guy supposed to choose if he'll support his parents, the girl's parents or both?
I really don't know why I got all these questions in my mind. Maybe it was just lurking somewhere after I'd seen my maternal grand mother die in-front of my eyes. That was one sad episode.
My mom has five brothers. Her father (my grand-dad) was en extremely short-tempered man. He'd mistreated the male kids quite badly, beating them or neglecting them. In the old age, the children had no love left. Unfortunately, even my grand mom too got blamed for the behavior. Since, my grandpa did not have much of property; the children were not really worried about taking care of the parents.
My grandma had come to our place in Pune. She'd been staying with us for about 15 days and then, she was supposed to leave. She seemed so happy and peaceful when she was with us, compared to the tense and worried person that she'd always appeared to me. Just about 2 days before we left, she became very quiet. On the day we were supposed to leave, she woke us up at 6 am and complained about a heart-ache. Immediately, we rushed her to the hospital. There she suffered a seizure in front of my eyes. That was probably her end even though she struggled for about 10 minutes more.
My mom still believes that what killed my grandma was the sad and dejecting thought that she'd go back to a place where nobody wanted her or loved her. Sure, the sons ensured that she got food, medicines and shelter. But, she got no love. In this situation, if my dad had asked her to stay, I guess, my grandma would have been pleased. But, she'd still moved back to Bangalore as the society would view it as a bad thing. They'd comment: "Even with five sons, she's staying with her daughter". My question is, is it so bad to stay with the daughter?
Well, looks like finally I am trying to get a hang of what the marriage business is all about it. The sheer complexity of the inter-woven relationships, the hidden traps and the intangible layers of expectations is quite daunting. Hope, things are not really this difficult in everyone's case!
While having lunch, Swathi recounted the entire episode was and how pleased she was that the families seemed to be so very compatible. She kept on repeating the point that for a girl this is a very important factor. This got me thinking….. about the rituals and the traditions that we have in India.
The Indian tradition is so really strange. It expects that after marriage, the girl will become a member of the husband's family and the she'll lose her status of the family member in her own family! Also, the Indian tradition says that the male descendents are the only ones responsible for the welfare of the parents when they grow old.
In olden days, with huge families, maybe this policy made sense. There was more than one son to take care of the parents and also, the girl had to relinquish her hold on the property. This I feel was correct especially if the girl happened to marry the eldest brother. Traditionally, he's the one who'd inherit the lion's share from the parents. The girl on marriage would become a partner, superseding all the husband's brothers. If she had a say in her own family too, then the passing on of the heritage would have become a mess.
But, in modern days, with nuclear families and the single child policy, is this a really correct way of uniting families? Let's explore the repercussions on the guy and the girl in a modern day situation. Let's start with the traditional setup:
After marriage, the girl becomes a member of her husband's family. She is supposed to adjust and ensure that her addition does not drastically alter the delicate structure of family relationships in the husband's household. She is supposed to serve the in-laws and take care of the husband's needs. In return, all she gets is the love and affection of her husband, if he is a good one. If not, even this is denied. The girl was entirely dependent on the husband for all her needs.
For a guy, the change was negligible. He'd get a nice advisor, cum friend and a person who'd help him at all his needs. The wife was someone, who was taken for granted. She'd do whatever he said and she'd probably have no say in his lifestyle.
In modern day, most of the things are not true. The girl is financially independent. The guy cannot take her for granted. In this scenario, what exactly does marriage mean for the guy the girl in terms of the compatibility of the families?
For a girl, she is worried if the guy's parents will accept her. She still is considered to become a part of the family after the nuptials. She still has to take care of the in-laws. But, she's now also responsible for her job and her parents. Since the family size is small, she may be the only kid and she may have to take care of the parents in their time of need. My question is: does the Indian society event recognize this need? What if the son(s) neglect the parents and they are left with nobody but their daughter for help? Will the Indian society accept the fact that the girl's parents are staying with her after marriage?
For a guy, things are a bit simpler. The expectation from the girl's parents is just that he keeps their daughter happy. He's not expected to serve the in-laws. Still, isn't it his responsibility to ensure that his wife's parents too are cared for? What if a situation arises where the husband and the wife are both the only kids of their parents? How is the guy supposed to choose if he'll support his parents, the girl's parents or both?
I really don't know why I got all these questions in my mind. Maybe it was just lurking somewhere after I'd seen my maternal grand mother die in-front of my eyes. That was one sad episode.
My mom has five brothers. Her father (my grand-dad) was en extremely short-tempered man. He'd mistreated the male kids quite badly, beating them or neglecting them. In the old age, the children had no love left. Unfortunately, even my grand mom too got blamed for the behavior. Since, my grandpa did not have much of property; the children were not really worried about taking care of the parents.
My grandma had come to our place in Pune. She'd been staying with us for about 15 days and then, she was supposed to leave. She seemed so happy and peaceful when she was with us, compared to the tense and worried person that she'd always appeared to me. Just about 2 days before we left, she became very quiet. On the day we were supposed to leave, she woke us up at 6 am and complained about a heart-ache. Immediately, we rushed her to the hospital. There she suffered a seizure in front of my eyes. That was probably her end even though she struggled for about 10 minutes more.
My mom still believes that what killed my grandma was the sad and dejecting thought that she'd go back to a place where nobody wanted her or loved her. Sure, the sons ensured that she got food, medicines and shelter. But, she got no love. In this situation, if my dad had asked her to stay, I guess, my grandma would have been pleased. But, she'd still moved back to Bangalore as the society would view it as a bad thing. They'd comment: "Even with five sons, she's staying with her daughter". My question is, is it so bad to stay with the daughter?
Well, looks like finally I am trying to get a hang of what the marriage business is all about it. The sheer complexity of the inter-woven relationships, the hidden traps and the intangible layers of expectations is quite daunting. Hope, things are not really this difficult in everyone's case!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Value-Addition: A New Perspective!
Value Addition - A new Perspective!
For about a week now, I'd been working on estimating for a proposal. Since we are IT Services Company, our buzzword is "Value Addition".
Until this time, I always used to feel that it is just a management jargon thrown in to add weight to our work. For the first time, I actually got a glimpse into what that is.
For example, we as Technical guys are always caught up with the task at hand and we never look at the bigger picture. In our case, for two days, our team was reading and re-reading the requirements document and to ensure that we understood the system. Then, in the evening, we were discussing with our Center Head about the proposal.
He said, "The system has so many customers. Assuming they pay an X amount, the company uses Y part of it for the salary and Z part for the infrastructure; they make a profit of (X-Y-Z) dollars. Our proposed system is costing ABC dollars. Would our client want to replace the existing system or is the new solution feasible?"
Somehow, none of us in the development team had ever pondered on this question. It was truly amazing that the he managed to ask this question when he'd not even read any of the client proposal documents!
Apart from this, I had to work with the Business Analysts. Their point of view was entirely different from all others. They were going through each and every client instruction like Holy Grail! The print-out of client instruction document was completely filled with underlines totally highlighted.
They were also responsible for the planning of the resources for the project. That is, how do we get the people to the project, as it moves in the SDLC and also, ensuring that the people are kept occupied. Based on the effort estimations that we'd given, they had to come up with a plan about how the people will be pulled into the new project, used effectively and moved out when their role ended.
Apart from all this, the main motto at every point in time was the principle, "What is it that we are doing that adds value to the client?" For example, we made a simple requirement document from the one that the client had provided. All we did was to arrange it into modules so that it was easier to read and modular. The suggestion was, "Whatever we've done is just copy paste. What can we add value to this document?" So, we created a section detailing the gaps in requirements, our observations and suggestions. From a mundane document, we turned it around to be a really insightful one for the client.
One thing that I realized was proposal is a very hectic activity. Event though it involves just going through the client documents, the effort that we put in to understand the system, to find areas for improvements and then presenting it in an attractive, yet affordable manner; all this was a real eye-opener for me. Hope all our effort does not go waste and we manage to win the bid!
For about a week now, I'd been working on estimating for a proposal. Since we are IT Services Company, our buzzword is "Value Addition".
Until this time, I always used to feel that it is just a management jargon thrown in to add weight to our work. For the first time, I actually got a glimpse into what that is.
For example, we as Technical guys are always caught up with the task at hand and we never look at the bigger picture. In our case, for two days, our team was reading and re-reading the requirements document and to ensure that we understood the system. Then, in the evening, we were discussing with our Center Head about the proposal.
He said, "The system has so many customers. Assuming they pay an X amount, the company uses Y part of it for the salary and Z part for the infrastructure; they make a profit of (X-Y-Z) dollars. Our proposed system is costing ABC dollars. Would our client want to replace the existing system or is the new solution feasible?"
Somehow, none of us in the development team had ever pondered on this question. It was truly amazing that the he managed to ask this question when he'd not even read any of the client proposal documents!
Apart from this, I had to work with the Business Analysts. Their point of view was entirely different from all others. They were going through each and every client instruction like Holy Grail! The print-out of client instruction document was completely filled with underlines totally highlighted.
They were also responsible for the planning of the resources for the project. That is, how do we get the people to the project, as it moves in the SDLC and also, ensuring that the people are kept occupied. Based on the effort estimations that we'd given, they had to come up with a plan about how the people will be pulled into the new project, used effectively and moved out when their role ended.
Apart from all this, the main motto at every point in time was the principle, "What is it that we are doing that adds value to the client?" For example, we made a simple requirement document from the one that the client had provided. All we did was to arrange it into modules so that it was easier to read and modular. The suggestion was, "Whatever we've done is just copy paste. What can we add value to this document?" So, we created a section detailing the gaps in requirements, our observations and suggestions. From a mundane document, we turned it around to be a really insightful one for the client.
One thing that I realized was proposal is a very hectic activity. Event though it involves just going through the client documents, the effort that we put in to understand the system, to find areas for improvements and then presenting it in an attractive, yet affordable manner; all this was a real eye-opener for me. Hope all our effort does not go waste and we manage to win the bid!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Vacation part 2 - Trip
Simsha
On Saturday, my parents, my mom's brothers and kids went on a trip.
We first went to the water falls called Bluff. Its also called the Sivana Samudra (Simsa). There are two water falls beside each other, Gaganachkki and some other chukki. There was no water in one fall and the other one was looking like a leak from a tap!
All of us were feeling totally dejected. Then, we went to Talakadu. This was an amazing place.
Talakadu
It is on the banks of Kaveri. Generally, the river banks are rocky or covered by mud. In this place, there is sand. It almost looks like a sea beach! The explanation for this was provided by a guide (its a myth rather than an explanation).
There was a governor of the city of Talakadu in ancient time. He used to report to the Mysore King. He and his wife were great devotees of the Lord Sri Ranganatha at Srirangapattana. On all important occasions, he and his wife used to visit the temple and decorate the idol with lot of ornaments and offer prayers.
The governor fell ill and died. The king of Mysore sent his soldiers to collect the ornaments. His belief was that the pryers shold not stop due to the death of the governor. The widow mistook the intentions. She felt the king was a very mean guy who had sent the soldiers to usurp and steal the ornaments and the property. So, she took the jewels and tied it in a cloth. She dropped it into the river. Then, she heaped three curses:
1. Mavalli madilagali (Mavalli will become a whirlpool. It's a point in the river Kaveri)
2. Talakadu maralagali (Talakadu will become sand)
3 Mysorina Maharajarige makaalagadhirali (Mysore Maharaja will not have sons)
Then, she jumped into the river and committed suicide.
Until today, the curses hold. The river has a permanent whirlpool at one spot. The place Talakadu is covered with almost 40 feet of sand. The Kings of Mysore do not have a direct male descendant for every alternate generation. For example, the previous king, Sri Jayachamarajendra Wodeyar is an adopted son. The present King, Sri Srikanthadutta Wodeyar is the son of Jayachamarajendra Wodeyar. But, he does not have a son. He has adopted her sister's son. This has been happening now for a long time!
Well, myths apart, the river was wonderful. The water level is barely till the chest and the Kaveri water here is absolutely clean. So, all of us dived into the river and had a great time. Also, by then a gang of college guys came in. It was from the Jain College in Jayanagar, B'lore. There were two really great looking grls. Half the time, I sat staring at them.
Somnathpur
Then, we went to a place called Somenathpur. This is an ancient temple built in 780 AD by the Hoysala Dynasty. They are the ones who built the famed Balur and Halebid temples in Karnataka. The temple was an amazing piecece of art.
There are more than 5000 idols carved out of stone. The temple has the complete depiction of the Mahabharatha and the 10 avtaars of Lord Krishna. The intricate carving and the detailed sculpting is incredible. It took 58 years for 500 sculptors to work on this.
The sad thing though is that it was ravaged by the Muslim Invaders. It was invaded twice and the idol was desecrated. So, there is no puja at the temple and it lies dead. On top of it, the British smuggled all the smaller pieces of art during their rein. So, what remains is a graveyard of the masterpiece.
Well, that's about the second part of my trip.
On Saturday, my parents, my mom's brothers and kids went on a trip.
We first went to the water falls called Bluff. Its also called the Sivana Samudra (Simsa). There are two water falls beside each other, Gaganachkki and some other chukki. There was no water in one fall and the other one was looking like a leak from a tap!
All of us were feeling totally dejected. Then, we went to Talakadu. This was an amazing place.
Talakadu
It is on the banks of Kaveri. Generally, the river banks are rocky or covered by mud. In this place, there is sand. It almost looks like a sea beach! The explanation for this was provided by a guide (its a myth rather than an explanation).
There was a governor of the city of Talakadu in ancient time. He used to report to the Mysore King. He and his wife were great devotees of the Lord Sri Ranganatha at Srirangapattana. On all important occasions, he and his wife used to visit the temple and decorate the idol with lot of ornaments and offer prayers.
The governor fell ill and died. The king of Mysore sent his soldiers to collect the ornaments. His belief was that the pryers shold not stop due to the death of the governor. The widow mistook the intentions. She felt the king was a very mean guy who had sent the soldiers to usurp and steal the ornaments and the property. So, she took the jewels and tied it in a cloth. She dropped it into the river. Then, she heaped three curses:
1. Mavalli madilagali (Mavalli will become a whirlpool. It's a point in the river Kaveri)
2. Talakadu maralagali (Talakadu will become sand)
3 Mysorina Maharajarige makaalagadhirali (Mysore Maharaja will not have sons)
Then, she jumped into the river and committed suicide.
Until today, the curses hold. The river has a permanent whirlpool at one spot. The place Talakadu is covered with almost 40 feet of sand. The Kings of Mysore do not have a direct male descendant for every alternate generation. For example, the previous king, Sri Jayachamarajendra Wodeyar is an adopted son. The present King, Sri Srikanthadutta Wodeyar is the son of Jayachamarajendra Wodeyar. But, he does not have a son. He has adopted her sister's son. This has been happening now for a long time!
Well, myths apart, the river was wonderful. The water level is barely till the chest and the Kaveri water here is absolutely clean. So, all of us dived into the river and had a great time. Also, by then a gang of college guys came in. It was from the Jain College in Jayanagar, B'lore. There were two really great looking grls. Half the time, I sat staring at them.
Somnathpur
Then, we went to a place called Somenathpur. This is an ancient temple built in 780 AD by the Hoysala Dynasty. They are the ones who built the famed Balur and Halebid temples in Karnataka. The temple was an amazing piecece of art.
There are more than 5000 idols carved out of stone. The temple has the complete depiction of the Mahabharatha and the 10 avtaars of Lord Krishna. The intricate carving and the detailed sculpting is incredible. It took 58 years for 500 sculptors to work on this.
The sad thing though is that it was ravaged by the Muslim Invaders. It was invaded twice and the idol was desecrated. So, there is no puja at the temple and it lies dead. On top of it, the British smuggled all the smaller pieces of art during their rein. So, what remains is a graveyard of the masterpiece.
Well, that's about the second part of my trip.
Vacation part 1 - Marriage
Hi ppl,
I'm back after a loooooong *vacation*. Now, I'm expecting to get some relaxation at work!
God, the trip was hectic! Right from the time I got down at B'lore station till I came back to Sec'bad, it was one hell of a busy schedule....
Anyway, marriage went off very well. I was in-charge of lots of things and so had to run around a lot. Since, my cousin was learning dance and the mother-in-law is the dance teacher, there were lots of *students*. Three of them were really *interesting*.
The strangest thing was that relatives were openly asking abt marriage and all. The typical scene would be like this:
Mom/Dad: Hello! Meet my son. Akshay, this is so and so.
So and so: Hmm. You were this small when I last saw you! {*this* varied from 30 cm to 100 cm... Never more than that}
Me: {One silly smile.} Hello
So and so: So, what do you do? OR Where are you studying?
Me: I working with Cognizant at Hyd.
So and so: Oh! You work huh? {What did he/she expect? Am I the Mysore King, to sit at home after studies?}
Me: Ya, its almost two years now.
{Then, some stuff abt wrk and food. Then, I am dismissed.}
So and so: Hmm, So, what is your son's age? Any plans to get get him married? I know this grl....
Hey, this was really surprising. I mean, I hardly remember this relative of mine. He/she's telling me abt some relative of his, who is probably at a marriagable age....
Anyways, there were two pestering proposals. One was hell bent on getting his daughter married to me! Fortunately this happened on the week before I went to B'lore. Mom had gone to B'lore to buy some sarees and meet her relatives. One of them literally cornered my Mom abt the marriage! Finally, Mom got irritated and told him, that I was just 24 and there was at least 2 more yrs. Then, she also pointed out that the grl was 10 days elder to me and that she'd never agree for that. Only then, this person went away.
Another one happened on the 23rd. We had just finished the Anniversary dinner {23rd was my parents 25th wedding anniversary}. One of the friends pulled my mom aside and whipered, "Are you getting him married? I know this relative of mine...." My mom cut in and told the same standard dialogue: me 24 yrs, 2 more yrs break etc....
At the cousin's marriage, I was given a lot of organizing wrk. So, I had to run arnd and move up and down the stage. Aunt was telling me that lot of ppl had noticed me and were asking abt me! She's warned me that when the photos and video are out, there may be more proposals!
It was really strange! Ppl expect you to be a total Brahmachari while studying. All of a sudden, when you turn 24-25, they expect you to become a family man! I mean, where do they expect the maturity to seep into a kid's mind, coz they believe you are a kid unitl 24!
But, who's complaining! I mean, I never ever though anybody on earth would want to risk sending their daughter with me... and here they were literally pestering abt getting them married to me!
Oh yeah, there was one more girl. The girl's dad took on a very different approach... The dad is a Oncologist in Mysore and his daughter has got into Deloitte. He asked me to talk to her abt Hyd. All the time I spoke to her, she was tossing her hair and giving me prolonged stares.... I felt that she was flirting with me.. I really don't know coz, this has never happend before....
Well, this was the first part of the trip.. The Marriage. Second part, I'll write after some time...
I'm back after a loooooong *vacation*. Now, I'm expecting to get some relaxation at work!
God, the trip was hectic! Right from the time I got down at B'lore station till I came back to Sec'bad, it was one hell of a busy schedule....
Anyway, marriage went off very well. I was in-charge of lots of things and so had to run around a lot. Since, my cousin was learning dance and the mother-in-law is the dance teacher, there were lots of *students*. Three of them were really *interesting*.
The strangest thing was that relatives were openly asking abt marriage and all. The typical scene would be like this:
Mom/Dad: Hello! Meet my son. Akshay, this is so and so.
So and so: Hmm. You were this small when I last saw you! {*this* varied from 30 cm to 100 cm... Never more than that}
Me: {One silly smile.} Hello
So and so: So, what do you do? OR Where are you studying?
Me: I working with Cognizant at Hyd.
So and so: Oh! You work huh? {What did he/she expect? Am I the Mysore King, to sit at home after studies?}
Me: Ya, its almost two years now.
{Then, some stuff abt wrk and food. Then, I am dismissed.}
So and so: Hmm, So, what is your son's age? Any plans to get get him married? I know this grl....
Hey, this was really surprising. I mean, I hardly remember this relative of mine. He/she's telling me abt some relative of his, who is probably at a marriagable age....
Anyways, there were two pestering proposals. One was hell bent on getting his daughter married to me! Fortunately this happened on the week before I went to B'lore. Mom had gone to B'lore to buy some sarees and meet her relatives. One of them literally cornered my Mom abt the marriage! Finally, Mom got irritated and told him, that I was just 24 and there was at least 2 more yrs. Then, she also pointed out that the grl was 10 days elder to me and that she'd never agree for that. Only then, this person went away.
Another one happened on the 23rd. We had just finished the Anniversary dinner {23rd was my parents 25th wedding anniversary}. One of the friends pulled my mom aside and whipered, "Are you getting him married? I know this relative of mine...." My mom cut in and told the same standard dialogue: me 24 yrs, 2 more yrs break etc....
At the cousin's marriage, I was given a lot of organizing wrk. So, I had to run arnd and move up and down the stage. Aunt was telling me that lot of ppl had noticed me and were asking abt me! She's warned me that when the photos and video are out, there may be more proposals!
It was really strange! Ppl expect you to be a total Brahmachari while studying. All of a sudden, when you turn 24-25, they expect you to become a family man! I mean, where do they expect the maturity to seep into a kid's mind, coz they believe you are a kid unitl 24!
But, who's complaining! I mean, I never ever though anybody on earth would want to risk sending their daughter with me... and here they were literally pestering abt getting them married to me!
Oh yeah, there was one more girl. The girl's dad took on a very different approach... The dad is a Oncologist in Mysore and his daughter has got into Deloitte. He asked me to talk to her abt Hyd. All the time I spoke to her, she was tossing her hair and giving me prolonged stares.... I felt that she was flirting with me.. I really don't know coz, this has never happend before....
Well, this was the first part of the trip.. The Marriage. Second part, I'll write after some time...
Monday, June 06, 2005
Mysterious Girls
Yesterday (Sunday), I'd been to my favorite book shop. As I was browsing, a girl appeared to my side. I just noticed that she was wearing a nice pair of jeans, white top and looked smashing. Anyway, I moved to a side to let her browse. Instead, she suddenly turned towards me and said, "Can you suggest some books for me?"
For a moment, I was stumped. I mean, it's not a daily thing, that beautiful girls come to me and ask for suggestions. The only ones who ask me anything are my colleagues, who are stuck up in some issues.
So, there I was, looking at her large black eyes, feeling like I'd lost my ability to speak. Guess, she was wondering if I was some dim-witted geek. Anyway, after what seemed to be an eternity, my sense of mind returned. I asked her, "What sort of books do you like?"
She said, "I've read a few books by Jeffery Archer, Sydney Sheldon and Josh Grishim."
I told her that, I did not read Archer and Sheldon. I could suggest a few by Grishim. I asked her which books of Grishim she'd read. So, she pointed to the whole collection and told me that she'd completed almost everything in it! I on the other hand had read just about 50% of the books!
Then, she started talking about other authors and stuff. No matter what I suggested, she was not interested in them. She seemed to be interested in only taking to me! And, I was so shy and nervous, I felt like an idiot standing in front of her!
Anyway, by then, she got a call and started speaking to whoever was on the phone. I made a retreat, with a mind in turmoil.
A little while later, another mysterious thing happened. I'd not taken my bike as I'd given it for servicing. So, I took a shared auto. There were two good-looking girls. The driver asked me to sit beside them. So, I sat. We traveled together from Panjagutta to Jubilee Check Post.
There I tried to catch another auto. I stopped one and was about to get in. Surprisingly, the same two girls were in the same auto. By now, one of the girls gave me a big smile! I was totally scandalized.
Generally, I am not used to getting smiles from strangers. That too beautiful girls, never even notice me. Let alone giving a smile. A big smile is an impossibility. But, here I was, about to board an auto and a beautiful girl giving me a big smile! My mind has switched off by now. Logic was a out of the way. So, without much thoughts I sat in the auto and reached home.
What's really surprising is that both the events happened on the same day and within an hour of each other! Guess, my fortunes are finally turning around. Or maybe, the Hyderabadi girls have started to have pity on this lonely heart. Hey, anyway, who' s complaining :-)
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