Today, while chatting with a college of mine, we were discussing about how people seem to worry so much. Yet, if you look back over it, it all seems to be such a trivial or silly thing.
Do you remember the childhood? I used to worry about reaching the school on time. But, my biggest concern of all was on Sunday mornings. On Sundays, Dad used to make omlette and bread. Somehow, it has become a ritual that we follow till today at home. Fact is, the moment he’d pour the egg on the pan, I’d run into the kitchen and stretch to see what was happening to my precious. If, and God forbid, if it tore, I’d sit and cry. It was probably the only thing, I remember that I used to cry a lot. Now, here when I make omlette daily in UK, I miss that passion for my precious. If it tears, I still eat, without a fuss. But, somehow, it never seems to taste like what it used to be in childhood.
At around the same time, my parents had devised a method to control my tantrums – it was locking me up in the toilet and switching off the light. It was such a fearful thing, that the very mention of it would instantly subdue me. I used to be shit-scared of the very fact that something that I’d do would result in this horrible punishment! There are nights now, when I’ve had to stay alone in the house and don’t think twice about it. Yet, when the light finally returns, there is no thrill or the utter relief of being safe – the cynical mind now says, “Ok power’s back. Donno when it’ll go dark again.”
During the school days, the biggest fear was facing the wrath of teacher over an incomplete home-work. I’d do anything to complete the geography maps, the history answers and the science projects. (Hindi homework, I used to procrastinate) Yet, if the same teacher wrote a simple, “Good” in the notebook, it’d be the greatest victory on earth. A simple four letter word in a barely readable hand-writing was worth so much. Today, there are client appreciation mails and Cognizant’s Associate of the Year award. Somehow, it never seems to give the same sort of inner satisfaction that used to there when I was a kid!
When I was a kid, my dad used to go on long tours, sometimes, for almost 10-15 days. When he’d return, he’d get some chocolate like Cadbury’s dairy milk or my favourite, Crackle. I’d be so thrilled that I’d clutch it and walk around for half an hour without putting away the precious gift. After that, I’d put it in the fridge. I’d revere the chocolate so much that for the first 3-4 days, I’d not even eat it. By then, my Mom would get totally restless with the chocolate staring at her everytime she opened the fridge door. One of the days, when I was at school, she’d open the chocolate packet and bite off one of the pieces. And there would be hell to pay for her transgression! Today, I go to shopping malls with rows and rows of chocolates. I’ve not bought a single one, even though I sent many packets back to the team. Somehow, it never appeals and never seems to hold any sway at all!
Finally, when I was a kid, the biggest worry of all was being away from Mom. Even today, she says, “Sereg hindene irtayidhe”{You used to be behind my saree always}. One day, my parents left me at my cousin’s place. There were 6 of my other cousins staying over at his place. Until night, I was fine. Suddenly, when the time came to sleep, I was petrified. I started crying and pleading. Unable to bear it all, my uncle took me back to our house. I rushed into the house and hugged my mom tightly, sniffing all along. Yesterday, my mom broke down over the phone and said, “There was a time when you’d not leave my saree.. Today, you are thousands of kilometers away, without a chance of running back to me. How do you feel?”
Well mom, all I feel is that if I could turn back the time, I’d do it just now and go back to the wonderful childhood. After all, who gives a damn about this job, career, promotion, politics and client appreciation? I don’t mind the fear of my omlette tearing or the dark toilet, if only, I could turn back time…….
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