Everyone is afraid at times of a particular assignment, a new responsibility, a new environment. The key is not to allow that fear to leak out, in unintentional ways, into your performance or behaviour.
Think of people who are full of confidence. They do things slowly.
Meritocrats have a naïve reliance upon a certain king of authority, the authority of objective, measurable facts.
In the real world, you need patience, the ability to compromise, and the willingness to accept an occasional defeat.
Remember, life is a long campaign, and if you risk death in every battle your chances of fighting on and winning the war are pretty slim.
One of the hallmarks of a successful marriage is the ability of both partners to face up to the conflicts they have with each other and resolve them. The same is true with any kind of relationship, whether with siblings, parents, children, or close friends. If you recognize that you instinctively avoid conflict in relationships, think about the effect it has on you and those close to you. Do you genuinely stay closer together because of your ability to avoid conflict? Or does it, as we suspect, in the long term prove to be a wedge that drives you apart?
..people who know much less about a particular topic can offer wonderful suggestions and ask important questions, precisely because they stand further away from the issue.
The old paradigm “If it ain't broke, don't fix it” has gone by the boards. The new paradigm seems to be “If it ain't broke, break it before somebody else does, and see what else we can make of it”.
(Helping naysayers and helping in decision making)
Make a regular practice of considering the positive aspect of the change – the opportunities it presents – as well as negative, whether in your career, your job, a a project, or a strategic direction. Instead of a single list with the negatives of a new idea, draw lists of both the “positives” and the “negatives” as well as the merits and dangers of instituting “change” and “doing nothing”.
Jobs are like sailbots: unless we are actively trimming the sails and making course adjustments, they tend to drift. Our job can slowly migrate into something that is less attractive. Moreover, at the some point we all want to take our skills and interests to a new level by learning more and doing different things. It is important to remember, however, that our capacity to act to change our circumstances rests with ourselves.
Our potential is not the potential of anyone else. Our path can be traveled by no one other than ourselves. Yet we spend a great deal of time envying the position, talents, and accomplishments of others. We see our career from their perspectives and imagine how they would judge us. None of this will bring us closer to knowing our unique potential for contribution or our particular genius. Imitation is an important part of learning, but it is an early form of learning that must be internalized and made our own. Early on, we may need heroes, but later on heroes can get in our way.
To reduce a career decision solely to a process of maximizing compensation, and to design adaily schedule accordingly, is an invitation to alienation and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, not being honest with yourself about the importance of money can also lead you astray.
Primary causal elements for 12 habits:
- having a negatively distorted self-image
- not being able to understand the world from other people’s perspectives
- not having come to terms with authority
- having an inability to use power comfortably, skillfully, and effectively
Successful people in business know that there is no such thing as an autonomous career. People can achieve maximum success in their careers only by working effectively with other individuals, individuals who have their own needs goals, and agendas. They learn that they must achieve goals within organizations that, similarly, have their own objectives.
Empathy.. not only leads to insight and greater appreciation for others, but is a competitive advantage as well.
Understanding others’ point of view can help you use whatever power you have with greater reserve, precision and finesse. The ability to restrain yourself is just as important as taking action directly and strongly.
You are the one ultimately responsible for your career. People with a positive, engaged attitude toward authority are more likely to see their managers as wise and powerful because they want to see them that way. We see this eve in very mature individuals. This is always accompanied by a subtle abrogation of responsibility for personal choice and career and direction, which is then left in the hands of the person with authority. Mentors can be helpful in the development of career, but you cannot rely on them to know what you should do. For one thing, your best next career move might well be outside your current business unit or organization and thus in conflict with the interests of your manager. Even when this isn’t the case, no one can know the path that will bring you the greatest career satisfaction.
In order to maximize your success in your career and to be as effective as possible in whatever role you have, you must be – or become – comfortable having and using power. You have to learn to be comfortable enough, just as you need to be a good enough swimmer to be safe in water or a good enough driver to be trusted on the road.
Resources flow naturally to people who demonstrate good sense and good use of the power they are given. Empires are expensive to build and maintain, so build one only if you need it.
Each time you hold yourself back from doing something, each time you go home saying, “I wish I had..” or “Why didn’t I just ..?” your self-image tends to worsen even further.
In the end, the process of healing negative self-images is a process of acceptance: accepting our own particular history, accepting our poor judgments and others errors that have caused pain to ourselves and to others.
