Bheja Fry!

Yesterday night I watched the movie Bheja Fry. It’s an amazing movie about how an idiot can wreck havoc in life – and yet win it back for you with his simplicity and down-to-earth attitude.

What amazed me about the movie was that there were so many things that you can connect with each of us. It was almost like Dil Chahtha Hai where I am sure everyone of could have identified ourselves with the characters.

In one of the scenes in the movie, the main character irritates his co-passenger in a bus. He wants a window seat – it’s just that he likes it that way and when he wants to shift, he falls all over the next person, keeps on singing, does not care about his co-passengers comfort and keeps on irritating him with all the details.

This is so much like real life. I mean, how many times has it happened to you that you are travelling by bus, train, or a shared rickshaw and there is this one character who comes in with a devil-may-care attitude and you are left hapless, helpless with a horrible sense of premonition that the entire journey is going to be one big mess, something that will irritate you the whole day – something that you’ll think about and smile two months down the line!

Well, I used to work in Hyderabad and had to travel home to Pune often and sometimes to Bangalore. During these journeys, I’ve encountered enough of this rather exotic kind of sub-species of homo-sapiens (well, I am not so sure that these creations of God rightly belong to the same species as me, but, let’s keep the argument simple and grudgingly assume it to be true!).

So, there was this female who was travelling in a KSRTC bus from B’lore to Hyderabad. She suddenly gets up and starts to shout at her really dumb-looking passenger. He looks like the type of a guy who would drool at heroines in a movie theatre when the lights were out, but, who’d never utter a squeak in front of a real female. Beside him is this amazon of a woman. If she were the last surviving female on earth, I am sure her temper would have fended off any unfair advances and the species would have gone the way of dinosaurs.

Anyway, coming back to the journey, this female gets up and starts to fight with the conductor. She says that she is a single girl. Girl! Girl! Girl! Girl! (The word resonated multiple times around the bus – think of it like the Ekta Kapoor’s serial where a sexy looking female announces that she’s going to become the ma of a guy who’s strayed from the path of fidelity).. Well, after the initial resonation of her claim to be a girl (My God, I can’t believe she said that – if she were a girl then, Lalita Pawar would be a teen!) had died down, the conductor went to her place. With a mouth full of paan he asked, “En re? Enu problem?” (What madam? What’s the problem?). The girl(??) with a melodious voice that could shatter diamond exclaimed that she was a single, unmarried woman and it was not appropriate for her to sit with some unidentified male beside her during a night journey. “Oh yeah, she’s right,” I thought. “After all, what sort of a demented man would want to spend a night beside such a shrew?”

Well, her question stumped the conductor. I am not sure what shocked him more. Whether it was the girl (huh?) who complained, instead of the guy or if her sudden inappropriateness – after all, she looked like a woman who could fend off the entire battalion of male soldiers, if need be. After a minute’s silence (probably in homage of all the guys who had been slain by her attitude and words, and a moment of silent prayer to get some kind of other-wordly strength), the conductor asked her what he could do. Hmm.. this guys was intelligent. If you can’t think, don’t. Let the problem creator be the problem solver. Good management funda.

So, the amazon-girl replied that she’d like to have a female sitting beside her for the journey or the seat should be left vacant – rather more like, half the remaining seat beside her should either be unoccupied or should be filled up by a timid lady, who was perching on the edge of the seat so that she could get up and run at the first sign of any volcanic activity beside her.

Well, the conductor was now in a big quandary. There were only two other females in the bus – one a mother of a 6-7 year old and the other one looked like a newly married girl, who was cuddling and molly-coddling with her new hubby. He was now in a dharma-sankat – whether to separate a newly-wedded couple or to drag a mother from her son. The conductor approached both the women and both refused. The newly married wanted to be beside her hubby. The mother wanted to be beside her son. So, he went back and reported to the amazon-lady that she had no other choice but to maintain status-quo as there were no other seats free.

The amazon was now in her flow. “How dare you make me sleep beside this guy?” she rhetorically asked. The guy had shrunk to a state of a miserable vermin that was about to be trapped and beaten! The conductor was growing deperate too. He went out and spit the paan. I am sure it was quite symbolic. But, this did not help him resolve the problem. The lady was still on her feet and refusing to let the bus move. Just when he was about to give up, our hero beside the amazon-lady, in a sudden sense of intelligence went to the mother of the kid and pleaded with her. Ostensibly, he’d probably have said that the choice was between reaching Hyderabad or not reaching Hyderabad at all. Anyway, there was a short interchange and finally, the mother left her son and exchanged her seat. The guy seemed to be so relieved that he treated the kid as his own son – he left the kid sleep side-ways. The kid, apparently, a football player in the making spared no efforts to try out free-kicks in his dreams. Despite this, our hero spent a happy time, and stared out at the vacant earth on the dark night. He had a small smile on his face. I am sure, it would have been the most heroic thing he could have done. After all, he’d saved our damsel (as it were) in distress.

As to our amazon, she thundered and rumbled at the ineptitude of the bus system and finally sat down. The bus started to move and the sill Govinda-Khadar Kahn movie resumed. Every body tried to watch it with keen interest as they were worried that any surreptitious glance at our damsel would be misconstrued as an act of filrtation and she’d send the disgraceful male to a state of perdition and probably make him sit in the luggage compartment.

And so, the journey contined….

Well, this was just one of the best instance of a passenger coming with a devil may care attitude. There are many others that I’ve probably written elsewhere. But, the movie sort of rekindled my thoughts over these past episodes. I am sure that it is not the end of it. Every time I go on a long journey, I end up having some such experience. Not sure if it is just me or if everyone of you too face similar issues… Maybe, God likes my blogs and wants me to experience it all and blog about it! :)

The Zahir - Best Quotes

I read the book, 'The Zahir' by Paulo Coelho recently. Here are some of the best quotes from the amazing novel.

Buy Book: India Only

About freedom
Slaves to the luxury, to the appearance of luxury, to the appearance of the appearance of luxury. Slaves to a life they had not chosen, but which they ad decided to live because someone had managed to convince them that it was all for the best. And so their identical days and nights passed, days and nights in which adventure was just a word in a book or an image on the television that was always on, and whenever a door opened, they would say:
'I am not interested. I'm not in the mood.'
How could they possibly know if they were in the mood or not if they had never tried? But there was no point in askingl the truth was they were aftaid of any change that would upset the world they had grown used to.

..freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.

All you have to do is to pay attention: lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step.

On seeing the restoration work going on at a cathedral:
And suddenly, in the middle of the central nave, i realize something very important: the cathedral is me, it is all of us. We are all growing and changing shape, we notice certain weaknesses that need to be corrected, we don't always choose the best solution, but we carry on regardless, trying to remain upright and decent, in order to do honour not to the walls or the doors or the windows, but to empty space inside, the space where we worship and venerate what is dearest and most important to us.

About friends:
Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.

About Love:
Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.

This force on earth to make us happy, to bring us closer to God and to our neighbours and yet, given the way that we love now, we enjoy one hour of anxiety for every minute of peace.About the situation in a war:

About love

‘A fatally wounded soldier never asks the medical team: “Please save me!” His last words are usually: “Tell me wide and son that I love them.” At the last moment, they speak of love.’

On books being movies

On why the author never sold rights of his novels to movies – rather more on why a movie made out of a novel is never as good:

Up until then, whenever anyone mentioned the possibility of making a film adaptation, my answer had always been, ‘No, I’m not interested.’ I believe that each reader creates his own film inside his head, gives faces to the characters, constructs every scene, hears the voices, smells the smells. And that is why, whenever a reader goes to see a film, based on a novel that he likes, he leaves feeling disappointed.

About railway tracks

After explaining the reason for the railway tracks to be exactly 143.5 cms apart:

‘..At some point in history, someone turned up and said: when two people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: be sensible, think of the future, think of your children. You can’t change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure of their destination. The rules don’t allow for love to change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through – it’s too dangerous. And so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. Your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival oftje species to head off into the future: your children will only apart. If you’re not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world’

About the question: ‘Why am I unhappy?’

No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.

On the perception:

‘Marie, let’s suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterwards, when they emerge and go over to a stream, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man’s face is completely clean. My question is this: which of the two will wash his face.’

‘That’s a silly question. The one with the dirty face of course.’

‘No, the one with the dirty face will look at the other man and assume that he looks like him and vice-versa, the man with the clean face will see his colleague covered in grime and say to himself: I must be dirty too. I’d better have a wash.’

Esther asks why people are sad.

“That’s simple,” says the old man. “They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they their dreams.”

The accomodator

The accommodator or giving-up point: there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappearance in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occurred.

About loneliness

Needless to say, I had been alone on other occasions during the year. Needless to say, my girlfriend was only two hours away by plane. Needless to say, after a busy day, what could be better than a stroll through the narrow streets and lanes of the old city, without having to talk to anyone, simply enjoying the beauty around me. And yet the feeling that surfaced was one of oppressive, distressing loneliness – not having someone with whom I could share the city, the walk, the things I’d like to say.

..there is nothing worse than the feeling that no one cares whether we exist or not, that no one is interested in what we have to say about life, and that the world can continue turning without our awkward presence.

Improving Behaviour - MBA Style

Hello my dear readers! I am back after a long sabbatical. It had been one hell of roller coaster of a journey.. It was almost like what Charles Dickens had mentioned in his epic, the Tale of Two Cities:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..

To explain, let me tell you what happened. In the period from Jan to June, I had to study a subject called “Managing Self Development - Leadership Development”. It is a module in the MBA that seeks to give an insight what you think, feel and how you behave – probably helping you to probe into the “whys” of such behaviour. This pattern of deep thought and self-reflection helps you to identify the patterns in behaviour that is either leading to a success in the life or if it is hindering your very work. Coupled with this subject, I had one of my worst appraisals ever – but a time when I got some of the harshest, yet most open feedback from my managers and leads.

I went from a time of intense despair at the loss of a promotion to the joy of being given the responsibility to start and drive a new group.

The real reason though for not getting my promotion could be a point that I identified was my inability to act assertively. Assertiveness has been defined as a behaviour that involves:
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways. (Beck and Beck, 1998)

On examining so many things, what came across was that I had been hurting myself and my image by keeping things to myself. What I had always though of as being independent and self-contained was being seen as my inability to open up, to network and to communicate! Well, I am working on it and that plan was the assignment for my MBA.

One thing that I found really useful that I think anyone can try is the use. It’s like a dairy, but more structured. In this, I note down my behaviour at a specific event and try and analyze how I could improve on my (leadership) behaviour. The reason is that behaviour is something that is learnt by all individuals and a thing that can be also be unlearned where necessary.

I found it really useful in helping me improve and identify a lot of areas where I could improve. Thought I’d just share this simple formula with you all!

The format of a typical journal is as follows:

Date
(When the event occurred)

What happened?
{A brief on the actual event – something like, My offshore team rejected my request to take up this work…)

My emotions
(What did I feel at this point of time? Remember, only emotions go here – things like, I felt angry, I felt annoyed, etc. Don’t put in thoughts like, I felt like hitting him..)

My thoughts & ideas
(Here, put in what you actually thought during the entire episode – things like, I felt so frustrated that I thought, I should just drop it all and get out! Maybe on how you generally behave in such events)

My behaviour
(In this section, out in details like how you actually behaved in such events, including body language. For example, something like, “I tend to withdraw to myself, my hands are crossed, answers become crisp, “Yes or no”, I snap at others…)

Implications for my development
(In this section, mention on how you could have behaved, if you behaved in a satisfactory manner; if you acted aggressively or if you had to close up your thoughts just because somebody put you down. This is the area where you can resolve on working on behaviour that needs improvement.)

Well, that’s it! This simple tool helped me in identifying so many things. This exercise brought out the fact on how much I was suppressing my feelings from everyone. In fact, in one survey, I figured out that if I were in love, I’d never ever express it simply because I believed that it was just my feeling and there is no need to tell it to any body else, even to the person I was (theoretically) in love with! Wow! That was something to chew on!

And so, I’ve prepared on some plans on behaviour change and working on it right now. The load of the MBA has reduced slightly – so watch out from some updates on my blogs!


(If you get a chance, do read the wonderful book, "Assertiveness at Work – A practical guide to handling awkward situations" by Ken Beck and Kate Beck)