Improving Behaviour - MBA Style

Hello my dear readers! I am back after a long sabbatical. It had been one hell of roller coaster of a journey.. It was almost like what Charles Dickens had mentioned in his epic, the Tale of Two Cities:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..

To explain, let me tell you what happened. In the period from Jan to June, I had to study a subject called “Managing Self Development - Leadership Development”. It is a module in the MBA that seeks to give an insight what you think, feel and how you behave – probably helping you to probe into the “whys” of such behaviour. This pattern of deep thought and self-reflection helps you to identify the patterns in behaviour that is either leading to a success in the life or if it is hindering your very work. Coupled with this subject, I had one of my worst appraisals ever – but a time when I got some of the harshest, yet most open feedback from my managers and leads.

I went from a time of intense despair at the loss of a promotion to the joy of being given the responsibility to start and drive a new group.

The real reason though for not getting my promotion could be a point that I identified was my inability to act assertively. Assertiveness has been defined as a behaviour that involves:
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways. (Beck and Beck, 1998)

On examining so many things, what came across was that I had been hurting myself and my image by keeping things to myself. What I had always though of as being independent and self-contained was being seen as my inability to open up, to network and to communicate! Well, I am working on it and that plan was the assignment for my MBA.

One thing that I found really useful that I think anyone can try is the use. It’s like a dairy, but more structured. In this, I note down my behaviour at a specific event and try and analyze how I could improve on my (leadership) behaviour. The reason is that behaviour is something that is learnt by all individuals and a thing that can be also be unlearned where necessary.

I found it really useful in helping me improve and identify a lot of areas where I could improve. Thought I’d just share this simple formula with you all!

The format of a typical journal is as follows:

Date
(When the event occurred)

What happened?
{A brief on the actual event – something like, My offshore team rejected my request to take up this work…)

My emotions
(What did I feel at this point of time? Remember, only emotions go here – things like, I felt angry, I felt annoyed, etc. Don’t put in thoughts like, I felt like hitting him..)

My thoughts & ideas
(Here, put in what you actually thought during the entire episode – things like, I felt so frustrated that I thought, I should just drop it all and get out! Maybe on how you generally behave in such events)

My behaviour
(In this section, out in details like how you actually behaved in such events, including body language. For example, something like, “I tend to withdraw to myself, my hands are crossed, answers become crisp, “Yes or no”, I snap at others…)

Implications for my development
(In this section, mention on how you could have behaved, if you behaved in a satisfactory manner; if you acted aggressively or if you had to close up your thoughts just because somebody put you down. This is the area where you can resolve on working on behaviour that needs improvement.)

Well, that’s it! This simple tool helped me in identifying so many things. This exercise brought out the fact on how much I was suppressing my feelings from everyone. In fact, in one survey, I figured out that if I were in love, I’d never ever express it simply because I believed that it was just my feeling and there is no need to tell it to any body else, even to the person I was (theoretically) in love with! Wow! That was something to chew on!

And so, I’ve prepared on some plans on behaviour change and working on it right now. The load of the MBA has reduced slightly – so watch out from some updates on my blogs!


(If you get a chance, do read the wonderful book, "Assertiveness at Work – A practical guide to handling awkward situations" by Ken Beck and Kate Beck)