Disclaimer: This post is sarcastic, not about the relatives per se but about the hypocritical processes in the arranged marriage system that mandates some things that is so irrational and utterly useless. Yet, these are something that is religiously followed by everyone, lest it brings a bad name to the family! Just venting out my irritation..
Yes folks. Now we are into the eighteen thousand three hundred seventy six step process of arranging all the things for the big day. And one of the most important thing is buying gifts for the relatives. Let me explain.
Inviting the relatives
Unlike friends, relatives are a different species. You (I mean the bride/bridegroom's parents) need to invite them. When I say invite, you don't give the card. You go about it in a special manner. First you write them all down. Then arrange them in descending order of age. Then, you go to each individual's house, give the card and fall at feet and then again invite them. Only then, is the invitation considered to be a properly invited one. If not, relatives have not been properly invited and they will boycott the wedding. So better be aware of this.
Due to the strange way relatives get sorted out, the path to invite them does get tediuos. So for example, if relative aged 79.5 years is staying at Rajajinagar and relative aged 79 is in Marathalli while a third relative aged 78.5 is at Malleshwaram, you still can't take short cuts and call relative 1 then relative 3 and ending by relative 2. This is a strict No-No. You need to keep aside all logic of Shortest Paths aside. They are only for Computer Scince geeks!
For friends, a phone call will do. Invitation is optional. Food is the only thing that makes them attend the function. For all the bachelor type guys it is the food and the feast for eyes. Life's simple.
Gift Hunting
Anyway, for all the effort taken to invite the relatives, you need to again incentivize them for attending the wedding. For this purpose, you (meaning the groom or bride's parents) need to gift them. Generally, these gifts are in the shape of something absolutely useless or, something so useful that most people will have them anyway. However, not giving something so redundant is considered as an extremely disgraceful thing. So, we set out on an expedition to Jayanagar for buying gifts. After a whole half day's of hunt, we decided on “one-two”.
“One-Two”. “What's that?” you ask? Well, let me explain. It is basically this air-tight, cool blue colored plastic glasses of two sizes “one and two”, size one is a bit bigger then the size two one. Considering that most people will have containers to contain most things, these two new containers would probably be not really used to contain anything. But then, to sustain the sacrosant tradition of the south indian arranged marriage system, we contained our irritation, frustration etc and bought “one-two”.
Buying it was the easy part. Transporting it was the nightmare. Sitting on my cousin's L-Board bike, holding onto to so many “one-two” bags, I prayed with sincere devotion that evening. Its just in times like one day before the exam which you believe you are bound to fail that you really give in to the hands of God. This was one such day :-) God heard my prayer and we reached the place safe and deposited the “one-two” to be distributed to our really grateful relatives!
