A Primer to keep the house clean for married couple
-Akshay Ranganath
The bane of nuclear families is that the onus of keeping the house clean falls entirely on the members of humanity residing in the dwelling. The traditional maid is nowthe mobile carrying super-busy artistic person, who likes to explore her creative talents via the musical symphonoy of dropping vessels or the modern art through the brush-strokes of water on flooring.
So, the responsibility of keeping the dust of the TV or the bathrooms free of new special of bacteria falls on the couple. With a tight work-load across the week, it is typicall the weekends which are the only time available to get this work done. However, cleaning is not as exciting as watching a wife-beating playboy hook up with a comely lady on the telly. And so, dust settles and strange biological creatures have a way in the bathrooms.. Until - until the couple decide to have a fight.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Fights are good. Like the Surf ad goes 'daag ache hai', I say, 'jhagda acha hai'. Whenever the husband says a few words and the wife a few paragraphs, a strange chill descends in the house. Telly is shut down. Banter dies down. A deatly silence descends. This is the perfect moment to pick up the dusty cloth, the vacuum cleaner and attack the unwanted guests in the house.
The gladiators - husband and wife get ready for the battle. The husband picks up the toilet brush in one hand and Harpic/Domex/Mr. Muscle in the other. The wife picks up a broom and an old cloth (typically, the enemies' vest) in the other. The knight enters the realm of the strange bacteria and the queen enters the room of fire. With loud bangs of doors closing, they attack and behold, the house gets clean in a few hours. The battle ground are not chosen randomly. There is a reason for it.
The bathroom happens to be the battle ground for the 'foreign returned'. When you go to 'foreign', there is no maid to clean the house and no dad/mom to help keep the hygiene. It entirely falls on the men of the house. After a futile battle to live like our ancestors, the knights of the house take up the responsibility and valiantly split the work for weekly chores. And thus, the brave 'foreign returned' knight is born.
The queen of the fire is the brave lady who experiments. She goes 'boldly where no one has gone before' and creates dishes that are unheard of - and will never be seen. Cookery dishes born out of telly shows - that almost end up being proof for nuclear fission makes our queen battle hardened to enter the realm of fire - the kitchen.
Once our knight and queen are in - the sheer energy and hate generated in the fight eggs them on to tackle the toughest dust and resilient stains to be tackled in a matter of minutes. After vanquishing the deadly enemies, the victorious soldiers then relax - and the energy spent of cleaning just drains away the hostility. With the house now clean, the couple can then engage in admiration of their work and the fight is completely forgotten.
