Arranged Marriage Blues – Part 2: Rejections

For those of you who have read my previous post, Arranged Marriage Blues, the following post is a continuation – though a bit serious.

I am writing this post after having shot off 4 rejection letters to 4 different prospects. Yes, 4 people on the same day! No, I never met anyone, nor did I speak to the girls. The way it worked was: Parents call my parents and send the photograph. If we like it, we continue, else, we reject! The girls never had a chance. She could have been the most charming person, the most sensitive being on earth, the perfect soul-mate. But, she never gets to talk to me or speak to me. Reason: The Process!

I know, that I sound like a complete chauvinist here. Though cliched, we are looking at beauty in the oldest sense of the term – beauty as being skin deep. No character, no personality, no education – just photo and skin deep beauty. And unfortunately, this is the way the process works!

The fact is, in this process, you don't get to meet the girl unless you are totally serious. It is a nice concept but, carries a lot of burden. Any meeting will happen in a very formal atmosphere with all the parents, relatives and friends present. Every meeting carries the expectations of all those present, the hopes of the two lonesome mate-seeking people and the burden of the parents to get their wards hitched into a marriage. Such a scenario is just not conducive in getting to know the other person! The only reason to go through this is you feel a sort of a connect with the other person – since there is absolutely nothing else to decide on the match, we just fall back on the only known thing – the looks! (Considering that almost all girls are now engineers, MBAs, etc, education is hardly a differentiator anyway)

My friends tease me that I am lucky. I get to see so many girls. Honestly, I believe that it is not exactly a cake walk. Every time I have to meet a girl and (God forbid) I have to reject her, it is a horrible time. Every rejection means a lot of hurt for the girl, the girl's parents and the whole family. It is not an easy situation for us too. The whole day, all of us are down. There is a mood of a depressed environment – sense of sadness that we have to say “No” but, somehow, feel so bad about the whole business! No wonder people try to reduce as many uncertainties as possible before the meet – and the horoscope guys mint money satisfying this inherent need for some sort of certainty in the whole process! At least by meeting them, parents can reject each other without going through the hassle of actually seeing each other face to face and then rejecting!

Somehow the meetings too seem more like a financial analysis. I am questioned about my salary, my incentives, promotions and work. If it were the HR of a reputed company, I'd not mind – maybe he/she would offer me a good alternative. But, in this scenario, it is tough to open up so much to a total stranger over your work, aspirations and future plans – that too at the very first meeting. And of course, it is equally hard to even question the girl about any of these aspects while sitting at her place and sipping at their coffee. Somehow it all feels like a power-play. Why can't the meeting take place at some neutral ground – some hotel, some temple, etc. That way, it would be far more comfortable to talk and be a bit more causal and open. No idea why this process was developed – and have no idea how this can be improved!

Finally, I'd just say that given a chance, please find someone. It's a lot less of a mental trauma than to see so many photos and rejecting girls. At least, you'll like someone for what they are rather than what they look like. In case you like upma and don't mind doing anything for it, then welcome to the club!