Book review: Social Intelligence

The revolutionary new science of human relationships

Book: Social Intelligence - The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships
Author: Daniel Goldman

Review
In this book, Daniel Goldman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Working with Emotional Intelligence explores a closely related area of Social Intelligence. Basically, Goldman breaks new ground saying that the brain of a human being is programmed to interact and pick up emotional cues from others. On picking the cues the ability to adjust our behavior is what signifies as the social intelligence.

Citing various research papers and some really interesting examples, Mr Goldman presents a very beautiful case on what we usually used to hear as grandma's saying - things like "smile and world will smile with you". The book is interesting to read but lacks one thing - actionability.

Unlike the book "Working with Emotional Intelligence", this book does not provide too many practical tips on improving one's Social Intelligence. Although, it does provide some indirect pointers, it cannot be called as a self-help book. Yet, I'd say it's a very nice book to read - at least once.

Following are some of the best quotes from the book. Hope it proves useful..

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Quotes from Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships

But in a romantic relationship, “power” can be roughly assessed in practical terms like which partner has more influence on how the other feels about him- or herself, or which has more say in making join decision on matters like finances, or in making choices about the everyday life, like whether to go to a party.

When we mentally rehearse an action – making a dry run of a talk we have to give, or envisioning the fine points of our golf swings – the same neurons activate in the promotor cortex as if we had uttered those words or made that seeing. Stimulating an act is, in the brain, the same as performing it, except that the actual execution is somehow blocked.

..laugher may be the shortest distance between two brains, an unstoppable infectious spread that builds an instant social bond.

Simply paying attention allows us to build an emotional connection. Lacking attention, empathy hasn't a chance.

..self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts, our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.

Even though we can stop talking, we cannot stop sending signals (our toneof voice, our fleeting expressions) about what we feel. Even when people try to suppress all signs of their emotions, feelings have a way of leaking anyway. In this sense, when it comes to emotions, we cannot not communicate.

Empathic accuracy seems to be one key to a successful marriage, especially in the early yeas. Couples who during the first year or two of their marriage are more accurate in their readings of each other have higher levels of satisfaction, and their marriage is more likely to last.

Our experience of oneness – a sense of merging or sharing identities – increases whenever we take someone else's perspective, and it strengthens the more we see things from their point of view. The moment when empathy becomes mutual has an especially rich resonance. Two tightly looped people mesh mingles, even smoothly finishing sentences for each other – a sign of a vibrant relationships that marital researchers call “high-intensity validation”.

The three major systems for loving – attachment, caregiving and sexuality – all follow their own complex rules. At any given moment any of these three can be ascendant – say as a couple feels a warm togetherness, or when they cuddle like a baby, or while they make love. When all three of these love systems are operating, they feed romance at its richest: a relaxed, affectionate and sensual connection where rapport blossoms.

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Importance of a secure base
Caregiving between romantic partners comes in two main forms: providing a secure base where a partner can feel protected and offering a safe heaven from which that partner can take on the world. Ideally, both partners should be able to switch fluidly from one role to the other, providing solace or heaven – or receiving it – as needed. Such reciprocity marks a healthy relationship.

We provide a secure base whenever we come to our partner's emotional rescue, by
helping them solve a vexing problem, soothing them, or simply being present and listening. Once we feel a relationship offers a secure base, our energies are freer to tackle challenges. As John Bowlby put it, “all of us, from cradle to the grave, are happiest when life offers us a series of excursions, long or short, from a secure base.”

The sense of loneliness, rather than the sheer number of acquaintances and contacts a person has, correlates most directly with health: the lonelier a person feels, the poorer immune and cardiovascular functions tend to be.

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In a nourishing relationship, partners help each other manage their distressing feelings, just as nurturing parents do their children. When we are stressed out or upset, our partners can help us re-think what's causing our distress, perhaps to respond better or simply put things in perspective – in either case short-circuiting the negative neuroendocrine cascade.

The best bosses are people who are trustworthy, empathic and connected, who make us feel calm, appreciated and inspired. The worst – distant and arrogant – make us feel uneasy at best and resentful at worst.

People who feel that their boss provides a secure base.. are free to explore, be playful, take risks, innovate and take on new challenges. Another business benefit: if leaders establish such trust and safety, then they give tough feedback, the person receiving it not only stays more open but sees benefit in getting even hard-to-take information.

Even having just one person who can be counted on at work can make a telling difference in how we feel. In surveys of more than five million people working in close to five hundred organizations, one of the best predictors of how happy someone felt on their job was agreement with the statement, “I have a best friend at work.”

The leader need not necessarily agree with the person's position or reaction. But simply acknowledging their point of view, then apologizing if necessary or otherwise seeking a remedy, defuses some of the toxicity, rendering the destructive emotions less harmful.

Technology makes it easier and easier to disconnect from other people, and from ourselves.. Civilizations is in the midst of a vast singularity. What was once meaningful has been wiped away. Lives are lived sitting in front of a computer screen, getting personal connections at a technology. But the issues that matter most are families, community and social responsibility.

Arranged Marriage Blues - Part 1

Entrapment!

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be an animal in a zoo? That too, if you are a star attraction at the zoo – maybe something like a Chimpanzee or a Gorilla? Do you know what it would feels like to see people sticking their face at the glass window, making strange faces – literally reversing the position of who the animal is? Well, I suddenly realized what it feels to in such a situation!

On Sunday, the 16th of December, I had to undergo this horrendous trial of having to sit through a tormenting situation – a situation filled with extreme pain and mental trauma - the pain of having to *see* a girl.

You see, I am planning to get married. So, I have to undergo this ritualistic trial of *seeing a girl*. Essentially, the process is quite simple. You go to girl’s place. You sit with all the people gawking at you with wide-open eyes boring into you – as if they want to literally see through you and enter into your mind – something like Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. Then enters the girl. By this time, you are generally keeping your throat from going hoarse by drinking copious amounts of water. If the girl is a knock-off eye-catching beauty, you gulp the water and sit up with a bit of hiccup. If not, you gulp down water – something like flushing the contents down the drain. But, you see – in my life, things seldom happen as they way it should. And so begins a saga – the saga of the Parrot Dad.

Parrot Dad arranges the meet
You see, in this story, there is only one primary character, the dad of the girl. He is the ever-present, all-knowing being who is perpetually in a hurry to get things completed. So, the saga begins when this dad noticed my resume lying around, unused, unseen and unheard of at one of the temples near Jayanagar. He looked at it and was stuck instantly by my beatific, gullible and vulnerable look. Instantly, he noted down the details and no time, he was on a walk to the address given in the resume.

You see, the address given in the resume was for my Uncle’s house. So, this girl’s dad went to my Uncle’s place. Unfortunately, my Uncle wasn’t at his place. Not to be put down, the determined dad knocked on the doors of the owner – who happens to be one of our distant relatives. So, sitting there at an unknown person’s house (for him that is), he regales the hapless owner about his job, his wife, his beautiful daughter. He then tells how he has nurtured his beautiful angel like a little parrot – never ill-treating her and always ensuring she had her dose of chilli for lunch and dinner. By the time the story ended, my Uncle had returned and there was a repeat telecast of the performance – this time for my Uncle and Aunt. And so, my relatives impressed by the stellar performance duly informed us about this wonderful girl whose proposal had just come through their wide open doors. We too were hooked. And so a decision was made to make the two love birds meet to strike up a harmonious chord.

(Please note, there is a lot more to the story wherein the dad called my dad some 2 times daily with the side-effect of nearly driving him bald – but, that’s digressing!
Oh yeah for the uninformed, in kannada, we ‘maglina gini tara belisidde’ meaning, I nurtured my baby girl like a parrot – so the title.)

The fateful meeting
And so, on the auspicious day of 16th of December, 4:15 pm, we entered the zone of the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present dad of the girl. It was his house, his lair, the nest where the beautiful parrot of his had grown up.

Well, the house was near Kanakpura road and to get there, we had to go through a spine-breaking journey over near-roadless pathways. Our host though had arranged for a car to tide us over the journey.

And so, we went into the house and were sitting expectantly. Everyone was pretty excited – my mom, dad, uncle and aunt. Strangely, I wasn’t. Somehow, I had sensed the ominous clouds that were hovering over our heads….

The meeting began with the ever-present dad firing away a rapid slavo of questions: So, where do you work? Oh consistent technologies is it? How many people are there in your company? Oh 45,000 is it? So, where did you stay in Hyderabad? What was the rent? How many brothers does dad have? By then, it was too much. The Dad had never spent so much time trying to know someone else. When you have an ego as big as the Eiffel Tower, it is tough seeking answers from others. And so, he reverted back to his story.

He was working in Amsandra – and knew my uncle for all of 20 years – such good friends no? (My Uncle had met him 20 years ago and again the previous week – how this qualified as 20 years of friendship is a point worth debating on. But, in the presence of Dad, there was no question of debates. Everything was a fact to be accepted as an axiom). He had written papers on mining of gold that the bloody suckers from Poona University and Delhi University had copied away! Tsk. Tsk. The politics in job was horrible. The promotion cycle is screwed up! IT is better no. No matter. Dad was a busy person. He had to go for a conference to Hyderabad. He had prepared a CD for it. “Do you want to watch it?” asked the hard-working Dad. Graciously, we said no and escaped from a horror movie.

Upma and tea
At this time, I was feeling a bit restless. You see, the point of us going to the house was to see this mythical beauty of a parrot. Instead, all I had seen was the Dad and the 1.5 seat mom. I was already wondering about the plight of the poor son-in-law who would fall into the clutches of this beastly Dad. But, I was proved all wrong. My misjudgment had never been worse! The Dad proved that he was more beastly even beyond imagination.. Just read on..

And so, after having told us all about work, job, politics and enquiring about consistent technologies (do anybody of you know any company by this name?) Dad asked us a question. “To see or not to see?” Well, like good guests, we said, anything is fine. Big Mistake.
So, Dad proposed that we eat. And so we ate. We ate Upma. You see, in arranged marriages, the Lord in heaven has pre-ordained that whenever a guy accepts that he is tired of being alone and wants to have a companion, he should pass through a cathartic treatment of purging for all the sins that he has committed as a bachelor. And the only way to do it is by making the guy eat Upma.(See Principle of Arranged Marriage)

Priciple of Arranged Marriage
The basic principle of arranged marriage is simple. You see a girl. You eat upma. You either keep seeing a girl until you find the right one, coupled with eating upma. Or you keep eating upma until you tire of it and decide on the girl who happens to be the reason for you eating the upma. So, you see, the deciding factor in arranged marriage is the upma and not the girl. You last till you crave for upma. By the time you are done with arranged marriage, the word upma will trigger sever emotional trauma. I wonder if Human Rights group have heard about this horrible treatment. Maybe, I should tip them off!

And in case you’ve always wondered why Divorce rate is low in marriages – it is because of Upma. Think. Who with a right mind would want to go through the trauma of upmas again? Thinking over this horror, husbands make do with wives and live happily ever after!

So, coming back to our story, upma was served minus the girl. Normally, you eat upma, stare at the girl. Girl generally does not eat upma but only stare at you. So, your throat that is already constricted gets still more narrow. You generally get hiccups. There is a drama and questioning if the upma is so spicy. There’s the sheepish smile and the red-faced reply that upma is not spicy. And life goes on. Not so at the house of Dad. Here, I ate merrily. Dad was too engrossed in his talking. So, I ate upma and jamoon in peace!

Then, tea was served. The Dad does not like tea. And we heard a 10 minute lecture on why his wife’s side prefer tea while his family prefers coffee. This lead to a discussion on the innumerable brothers and sisters of the girl’s mom and the Dad. By this time, I was full and looking forward to get up and go home. After all, my job was done! But, as fate would have it this was not the case.

Enter Parrot
Finally, the Dad realized the purpose of meeting – making the boy and girl meet. And so, he dispatched his wife to unlock the cage and get the parrot out. And so came out the parrot. The beautiful parrot looked like a sleeping beauty – meaning she looked like she’d just got out of bed, hair rumpled, clothes crumpled and face disgruntled.

She sat down on the sofa infront of me but, never even meeting my look. She was engrossed in the Mummy Special dance program on Sony Entertainment Television. And so, Dad graciously said,. “Here’s our beautiful (?) daughter. You can ask any question you want?” Well, I wanted to ask something like, “So, you brushed your teeth?” But, I was not entirely convinced that this would be taken in the right spirit. And so, I gave my famous “I am shit-scared of this drama- I want to get the hell out” smile and wrenched my hand.

Since I did not venture to ask any questions, the Dad took upon this responsibility too. So, we, the audience watched Dad the interviewer ask questions to the Girl who could not be disturbed from Mommy Special. It went on like, “So, where do you work?” “zzz” “How many people in your company?” “I did not count” “What do you do at work?” “zzz”

Gathering an iota of courage (probably from the Upma that I just ate) I ventured to ask one question. “Since I am non-IT, can you tell me what is the work that you do?” To which, my dad who seemed to have taken a cue from the Dad replied for the entire period of time. And so, with one sole question of mine, the Q&A session was interrupted by the door bell. Girl got up and walked inside.

Visitors to the Zoo
When the Dad opened the door, there were a few neighbors. They had come over to hand over wedding invitation. The Dad being the ever gracious host told us about the neighbors – these neighbors suspiciously looked like relatives of the Dad. Auntie visitor sat down and gave me one good look with the question, “so this is the boy?” To which the Dad replied, “Yes, he is an engineer. From consistent technology”. Eeeks!

I-am-the-greatest Uncle was looking down at me. The Dad told us that this Uncle had written books on horoscope. No idea who read such horror. I was staring more intently into the dregs of water in my tumbler lest the penetrating eyes of Uncle scorched me! After about 10 minutes of mutual talk, Uncle wanted to leave but, Aunty who wanted to have milk stay put. Only after milk did she get up and leave. By them, I had undergone three examinations by the three visitors, Uncle, Aunty and the ever-grinning Uncle’s friend.

Next started the walk in of the Dad’s brothers. Enter brother 1. Again, the same gawking look. Same introduction – me working in consistent (Eeks again!) Enter brother 2 – repeat story. Enter brother 1 & 2 – some more story on how IT stressful. By the end of this discourse, I was thanking God that I was not already resting comfortably 7 feet under the ground but, hey, I was marked (oops destined) for the parrot and I had to be the Lucky One.

Next came in Brother1’s two sons. Then came in Brother2’s two daughters. Same introductions. Then the trickle of visitors turned into a tide of relatives. It was like a sitting in front of a cinema auditorium – you see one person, then another and suddenly a deluge of people rushing out. We were all amazed. How on earth could all this cinema-full crowd remained inside the house without uttering a sound for such a long time?

Oh yes, for all this time, the girl was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was time for her evening chilli. Don’t know. When relatives aged between 7-10 years started to trickle in, my mom told me to get up and flee. And so, I got and fled. Without casting a glance back at the house of the Dad and the Parrot Girl, we escaped out and rushed back to civilization where people were quite normal, not too intelligent and all knowing. Now, I am waiting for the Dad to call us and ask what our opinion is. Do you, my favorite readers want to hazard a guess?

Life of a modern nomad

It all started on 911. My life took a sudden turn. Peaceful existence at Feltham suddenly went for a toss and life became a cauldron of change after change, leaving me grappling with so many issues with no permanent address to turn to!

Before starting my cribs, let me start the story at the beginning…

In the beginning
My father had applied for a voluntary retirement and after a lot of politicking and other tactics, he was granted the retirement. This happened at the end of July. August went off in dad trying to get our house vacated in Mysore. The guy residing there kept saying he would vacate by September and parents were happy with the deadline.

In the meantime, my life in London took a sudden turn. Clients decided that they wanted to reduce money and send one of us back to India. Since I’d asked for a release, I was the chose one. This was clear. But, the clients and our management were just not able to make up the mind on when to send me back So, I was left in a sort of limbo as to what would happen next – and more importantly, where will I be returning – to Pune or to Mysore?

And then, it all happened at once. On September 9th, parents decided to send over the luggage to Mysore. September 11th, they departed from Pune to Mysore. When they were in transit, I was given the message that I was to return to India in a week’s time! So here I was with my parents going to Mysore, with no house to stay and to top it, I was returning *home* when I had no such thing left!

Back to India
I returned back to India on 19th September and stayed in my Aunt’s place for about 3 days “vacation”. I had a full 15 days of vacation to take and I could not utilize it simply because I had nowhere to stay. With the MBA submissions looming over the head, it was a hectic time, trying to balance studies with the rest of life and the changes happening all around. Focusing on studies was like a mammoth responsibility!

After that, I was back at office and in my favourite office of Hyderabad. It was supposed to be a great home-coming. Yet, this too did not feel the same. Almost all the people I knew and worked with were either working elsewhere or they had quit. The whole crowd appeared to be new and the huge populace of nameless, faceless entities seemed like a completely new place to me with nothing to anchor me to the office of the yore that I was familiar with. Suddenly, I was forced to confront yet another change – a change in the very people whom I knew and worked with and the new environment in the office.

The only solace during this period of time was the nice guest house provided by Cognizant. It took off some of worries and I could focus on work and studies. But, like they say, things always don’t last forever. Before I knew it, it was time for me to move out the guest house since my two weeks was coming to an end.

So, I went for house hunting trips to Madhapur, Miyapur, Kondapur and KPHB Colonies. The houses kept improving with the search. Maybe it was not really true or maybe it was due to the very low expectations that I started out with!

The first few houses were a complete fiasco. One house had a room without a room. (‘Saar, it will be cool saar!,’ was what the agent told me. How it was possible was left to air or lack of it) The next house had a bathroom where either a bucket could fit or a human could fit. Not both. I tried to visualize the daily ablution process and came up with a naught. The third place had a single room. It looked really old, worn and badly maintained. The agent said, ‘Saar, just pay us the money and this house will have false roofing, marble will be gleaming, kitchen will be shimmering..’ You get the drift. At least, the guy had good imagination. I probably did not.

The next few houses turned out to be okay but, were looking only for *family*. Oh yeah, and a 11 months bond. 11 months? I could not give that commitment to my own company – how did they expect it for a house? And so, I was literally locked out of house again! With nowhere to go, I shifted into a “Working Men’s Hostel”. That saga was another terrible one.

Hostel Horrendous
So, after a 4 year and 3 months, I was back in a hostel. It felt like the lowest point in life. It was almost like being thrown into a jail: the small room, the confined space, the inhumane service of food and the mercenary behaviour of the hostel owner. When I entered to have dinner in the common room on that day, I felt so completely alone and so very desolate. For some strange reason, I was almost on the verge of just getting up and screaming out and lashing out against everyone on why I was being treated in such a way. Without being able to eat any of the cold stuff, I just got up and left. That night I barely slept since I was pre-occupied with my desperate situation. I so wanted to just take a week off and go home. And I had not home…

Well, just when you think you’ve reached the bottom and the only way now is up, things happen and people dig a hole at the bottom. And so, entered our hero from engineering college, my room mate in the hostel. This guy had college from 9-3. He’d sleep in the evening and switch on the TV all night. With a fever and cough, I was already half mad. This was the last straw. I could take it no more. The next day, I went to HR and centre head and told about my predicament. This is when the situation started to improve.

Light at the end of the tunnel
After all the mess, I was finally asked to shift back to another guest house. I was also promised a transfer to Bangalore. The timeline was as soon as I was released from the project. Once done, I would be able to return to Bangalore. The plan was to get an idea of the centre and ask the parents to find a house and keep everything ready for me to shift in!

The new guest house is like a movie set – awesome 2 bedroom room for just me, a television, a huge table, wireless internet! The food is great and the luxury is truly something that I could get used to 

So, now me waiting for the news on my final departure to Bangalore!

Quotes from The Long Tail by Chris Anderson

The Long Tail

How endless choice is creating unlimited demand

Chris Anderson

Recently, I completed reading the book, The Long Tail. I was quite impressed by some of the points. I was planning to make a presentation in my organization and created notes for it. Here are the salient points that I found interesting. Hope it's useful to you too!

Buy the book, India Only


Strength of broadcast vs unicasting

The great thing about broadcast is that it can bring one show to millions of people with unmatchable efficiency. But it can't do the opposite – bring a million shows to one person each. Yet that is exactly what the Internet does so well. The economics of broadcast era required hit shows – big buckets – to catch huge audiences. Serving the same stream to millions of people at the same time is hugely expensive and wasteful for a distribution network optimized for point-to-point communications.

Increasingly, the mass market is turning into a mass of niches.

Observation of Long Tail

The three main observations:

1. the tail of available variety is far longer than we realize
2. it's now within the reach economically
3. all those niches, when aggregated, can make up a significant market – seemed indisputable, especially backed up with heretofore unseen data.

Weakness of broadcasting

The curse of broadcast technologies is that they are profligate users of limited resources. The result is yet another instance of having to aggregate large audiences in one geographic area – another high bar above which only a fraction of potential content rises.

Observations of Long Tail in real life

In fact, as these companies offered more and more (simply because they could), they found that demand actually followed supply. The act of vastly increasing the choice seemed to unlock demand for that choice. Whether it was latent demand for niche goods that was already there or the creation of new demand, we don't yet know. But what we do know is that with the companies for which we had the most complete data – Netflix, Amazon and Rhapsody – sales of products offered by their bricks-and-mortar competitors amounted to between a quarter and nearly half of total revenus – and that percentage is rising each year. In other words, the fastest-growing part of their business is sales of products that aren't available in traditional physical retail stores at all.

When you can dramatically lower costs of connecting supply and demand, it changes not just the numbers, but the entire nature of the market. This is not just a quantitative change, but a qualitative one, too. Brining niches within reach reveals latent demand for non-commercial content. Then, as demand shifts toward the niches, the economics of providing them improve further, and so on, creating a positive feedback loop that will transform entire industries – and the culture – for decades to come.

Young people don't want to rely on Godlike figure from above to tell them what's important. They want control over their media, instead of being controlled by it. (Rupert Murdoch)

Response rates as low as 1 percent could still be profitable.

Assumptions for the Long Tail:

1. There are far more niche goods than hits

2. The cost of reaching those niches is now falling dramatically

3. Simply offering more variety, however does not shift demand by itself. Consumers must be given ways to find niches that suit their particular needs and interests. These 'filters' can drive demand down the tail.

4. Once there's massively expanded variety and the filters to sort through it, the demand curve flattens

5. All those niches add up – so collectively they can comprise a market rivaling the hits

6. Once all this is in shape the natural shape of the demand is revealed.

Significance of blogs and social media like sites

Consumers also act as guides individually when they post user reviews or blogs about their likes and dislikes. Because it's now so easy to tap this grassroots information when you're looking for something new, you're more likely to find what you want faster than ever. That has the economic effect of encouraging you to search further outside the world you already know, which drives down into the niches.

There will always remain a division of labor between professionally and amateurs. But it may be more difficult to tell the two groups apart in the future.

Once upon a time, a talent eventually made its way to the tools of production; now it's the other way around.

From filmmakers to bloggers, producers of all sorts that start in the Tail with few expectations of commercial success can afford to take chances. They're willing to take more risks, because they have less to lose. There's no need for permission, a business plan, or even capital. The tools of creativity are now cheap, and talent is more widely distributed than we know. Seen this way, the Long Tail promises to become the crucible of creativity, a place where ideas form and grow before evolving into commercial form.

That's the root calculus of the Long Tail: The lower the costs of selling, the more you can sell. As such, aggregators are a manifestation of the second force, democratizing distribution. They all lower the barrier to market entry, allowing more and more things to cross that bar and get out there to find the audience.

Like the chain retailers, Amazon also connects centralized supply with scattered demand, but the genius of its model is that the store and customer don't have to be in the same place. Ironically, this makes it more likely that the supply and demand will actually connect. Regardless, even if they don't Amazon bears none of the cost – the surplus stock simply depreciates on the shelves of a third party.

Peers trust peers. Top-down messaging is losing traction, while bottom-up buzz is gaining power.

For a generation of customers used to doing their buying research via search engine, a company's brand is not what the company says it i, but what Google says it is. The new tastemakers are us. Word of mouth is now a public conversation, carried in blog comments and customer reviews, exhaustively collated and measured. The ants have megaphones.

In world of infinite choice, context, not the content is the king.

Probabilistic logic of information and accuracy on Long Tail sites

The advantage of probabilistic systems is that they benefit from the wisdom of the crowd and as a result can scale nicely both in breadth and depth. But because they do this by sacrificing absolute certainty on the microscale, you need to take any single source with a grain of salt. Wikipedia should be the first source of information, not the last. It should be a site for information exploration, not the definitive source of facts.

The same is true for blogs, no single one of which is authoritative. Blogs are a Long Tail, and it is always a mistake to generalize about the quality or nature of content in the Long Tail – it is, by definition variable and diverse. But collectively blogs are proving more than an equal to mainstram media. You just need to read more than one of them before making up your own mind.

The point is not that every Wikipedia entry is probabilistic, but that the entire encylcopedia behaves probabilistically. Your odds of getting a substantive, up-to-date, and accurate entry for any given subject are excelled on Wikipedia, even if every individual entry isn't excellent.

With probabilistic systems, though, there is only a statistical level of quality, which is to say: Some things will be great, some things will be medicore, and some things will be absolutely crappy. That's just the nature of the beast. The mistake of many of the critics is to expect otherwise.

On why Long Tail is a non-zero sum game

On a store shelf or in any other limited means of distribution, the ratio of good to bad matters because it’s a zero sum game: Space for one eliminates space for the other. Prominence of one obscures the other….

But when you have unlimited shelf space, it’s a non-zero sum game… Inventory is “non-rivolrous” on the Web and the ratio of good to bad is simply a signal-to-noise problem, solvable with information tools. Which is to say it’s not much of a problem at all. You just need better filters. In other words, the noise is still out there, but Google allows you to effectively ignore it. Filters rule!

You can think of the Long Tail starting as a traditional monetary economy at the head and ending in a non-monetary economy in the tail. In between the two, it's mixture of both.

On mass markets

The compromises necessary to make something appeal to everyone mean that it will almost certainly not appeal perfectly to anyone – that’s why they call it lowest common denominator.

Why Long Tail changes Pareto rules

1. You can offer many more products
2. Because it is so much easier to find these products (thanks to recommendations and other filters), sales are spread more evenly between hits and niches.
3. Because of the economics of niches is roughly the same as his, there are profits to be found at all levels of popularity.

Whether people will pay for niche content

So bottom line: Human attention is more expendable than money. The primary effect of the Long Tail is to shift our taste toward niches, but to the extent we’re more satisfied by what we’re finding, we may well consume more of it. We just won’t necessarily pay a lot more for the privilege.

If you think about it, today’s hit is tomorrow’s niche.

About how a article can be accessible even when it is not the latest

What’s particularly interesting about time and the Long Tail is that Google appears to be changing the rules of the game. For online media, like media anywhere, there is a tyranny of the new. Yesterday’s news is fishwrap, and once content falls off the front page of a Web site, its popularity plummets. But as sites find more and more of their traffic coming from Google, they’re seeing this rule break.

On Infinite Shelf space

But we are entering the era of infinite shelf space. Two of the main scarcity functions of traditional economics – the marginal costs of manufacturing and distribution – are trending to zero in Long Tail markets of digital goods, where bits can be copied and transmitted at almost no cost at all.

Social media

In short, we’re seeing a shift from mass culture to massively parallel culture. Whether we think of it this way or not, each of us belongs to many different tribes simultaneously, often overlapping, often not. We share some interest with our colleagues, some with our families, but not all of our interests. Increasingly, we have other people to share them with, people we have never met or even think of as individuals (e.g. blog authors or playlist creators).

Effectiveness of blogs

What really sticks in the craw of conventional journalists is that although individual blogs have no warrant of accuracy, the blogosphere as a whole has a better error-correction machinery than the conventional media do. The rapidity with which vast masses of information are pooled and sifted leaves the conventional media in the dust. Not only are there millions of blogs and thousands of bloggers who specializes, but, what is more, readers post comments that augment the blogs, and the information those comments, as in the blogs themselves, zips around blogland at the speed of electronic transmission.

Effect on news journalists and media

But news and information is clearly no longer the exclusive domain of professionals.

With an estimated 15 million bloggers out there, the odds that a few will have something important and insightful to say are good and getting better. And our filters improve, the odds that we’ll see them are getting better, too. From a mainstream media perspective, this is simply more competition, whatever the source. And some audience will prefer it. Like it or not, fragmentation is inevitable.

On why more information is good then a few “authoritative sources”

Fundamentally, a society that asks questions and has the power to answer them is healthier society than one that simply accepts what it’s told from a narrow range of expers and institutions. If professional affliation is no longer a proxy for authority, we need to develop our own gauges of quality. This encourages us to think for ourselves. Wikipedia is a starting point for exploring a topic, not the last word.

Secret of Long Tail

The secret to creating a thriving Long Tail business can be summarized in two imperitives:

1. Make everything available
2. Help me find it.

Creating a successful Long tail aggregator

1. Move inventory way in… or way out
2. Let customers do the work
3. One distribution method doesn’t fit all
4. One product doesn’t fit all
5. Share information
6. Think “and” not “or”
7. Trust the market to do your job: “In abundant markets, you can simply throw everything out there and see what happens, letting the market sort it out. The difference between “pre-filtering” and “post-filtering” is predicting versus measuring, and the latter is invariably more accurate. Online markets are nothing if not information-rich, it’s relatively easy for people to compare goods, and spread the word about they like”
8. Understand the power of free

Chak De! India

Yes, folks, I finally watched a Shah Rukh Khan movie on the very first weekend! It was none other than the hockey-match fervour of Chak De! India.

The movie is loosely based on reality of an Indian hockey player who is accused of being a traitor. The player then comes back as the coach of the India team to lead it to greater glory and redeem himself of the black mark on his career. (See Wikipedia)

One thing that stood out in the movie was the focus. There was no emotional melodrama and no unnecessary dialogues on varied topics. The movie is about hockey and sticks to it. Considering that the movie is from Yash Raj films, this was quite amazing! There was no regular naach-gaana, US Flag based dance sequence, heroine-hero rain sequence - nothing! There was just the hockey matches, hockey match strategy and hockey match training.

Various other points too were raised in the movie but, it was played down and subtle enough so as not to bore the viewer. The typical bharatiya naari - holding belan is renounced against a self-confident, self-esteem filled world-beating player.

The constant bickering and Hindi-Punjabi-Tamil-Telugu divide is also nicely highlighted. The scene where the Manipur and Mizoram girls are welcomed as mehmaan was amusing and at the same time, a bit sad. In the nation where they are citizens, people literally treat them as aliens! Come to think of it. As an Indian, I can clearly tell you which areas in UK are filled with desi janata, Indian restaurant and good places to visit. How many of us can claim to say the same about the north-east states? Or for that matter, apart from weather forecast, how many of us even care of the north-east? Hmm.. Point to mull over.

The highlight of the movie was the coach, Mr Shah Rukh Khan. For a change, he's not into his 'k-k-k-' mode of heroine haunting or love triangulation. This time, he's focused and he wants to redeem his loss. Nothing more, nothing less. He's played the role with a good deal of subtlety and control. There are a few areas where he is almost on the verge of breaking into his formula dialogue delivery mode but, the director has restrained him to deliver a good performance. Good job Mr Director.

The matches in Australian World Cup are quite well shot and believable. The only issues is that the movie tries to go through each match of the league and quarter-finals, semi-finals and finals that it seems to lack some depth. One area where the Bollywood catches up is the last minute pep-talk for the last match. The coach declares that "I'll not tell you what to play. You will go out and know what to play". And yet, he's there on the scene communicating with the goal-keeper via telepathy. This looks a bit out of ordinary - yet not all that incredible, considering we have Rajini movies running on the other screens... :)

One area where the movie failed is in showing the technical brilliance of the coach. He's shown as a man on mission and motivation. Yet, his skill as a hockey player is not really explored. The coach is shown playing with cups and saucers, etc. yet, never is he really shown explaining the strategy and game to his players. The players are shown as simple students agreeing to whatever "Coach Sir" says. This part somehow leaves you a bit saddened since you come out without having learnt anything much about hockey.

The other area which I felt a bit unnecessary was the cricket bashing. No matter what, every country is mad about one men's game. It's football, baseball, soccer or cricket for most nations. No matter what, the sheer power, speed, raw animalistic team hunting spirit is laid bare in these games and it commands a viewership that's not surpassed by any other games. Needlessly cavilling about the lack of support, or the "hockey mein chakke nahin hote" type of dialogues are not really needed. In a country separated by so many divisions, cricket is literally the only unifying factor. Let's not to try and destroy that!

Despite all this, I'd say it's a movie worth watching. The humour in various languages, the mixture of literally unmixable team mates and the wide-eyed girls in Austrailia make up for the lack in other areas.

So go on. Say Chak De! And start watching.

Almost Mugged!

Three weeks back, an incident happened that sort of changed the very perspective of being at onsite.

Saju and I were returning home after having watched a movie. From the other end, two teens were coming. Suddenly, they spread out and each one blocked one of us. Saju being the smaller guy, went to the other side. The smaller of the two went after him. The taller and bigger one of them blocked me and started saying, “Where are you from?”

We’d faced such behaviour before and so, I tried to just walk past him. I should have simply ran. Instead, I just tried to walk past him. This guy kept walking beside me and kept asking the same question again and again. Suddenly he said, “I’ll stab you!” I got really scared. Stabbing is a big teen problem in UK, along with drinking related crime. I was half expecting him to remove a knife so that I could bolt from him. Instead, he just made some disgusting sounds and suddenly, punched me on the lips. The other guy in the meantime hit Saju on his chest.

The moment I got hit on the lips, it bruised badly and started to bleed. My specs flew off and fell about 5 feet away. Saju immediately went and picked it up. For a moment, I was knocked out of sense. I did not faint or anything, but, for an instant, I felt I’d lost contact with reality. After all, such things did not happen in Feltham – or did it?

The moment, my senses returned, I felt a burning sensation in mouth. It was only then I realized that blood was dripping from my mouth. Unfortunately, I was wearing a white T-Shirt and I realized it was beyond use and there was a big blood stain on it. I tried to cover the mouth with my hanky and it immediately turned crimson red.

The walk from the accident spot to home was barely a 2 minute walk – but I shall never forget the shock of it! I’d been attacked, humiliated and hit – all for what? For not being a white? For not being a British citizen? I don’t know. To top it all, we’d been attacked barely 10 feet from a main road. When I came walked on to the road, lots of people saw that blood dripping out. But, not a single person came to help. There was a bar on the corner of the road where people were hanging out. Not a single soul came to ask what had happened.

Deep in shock, with knees shivering like some rubbery stem, I walked back home with Saju. The bleeding went on and on – and stopped only at around 12 pm in the night. The medical system was so pathetic that when I called to ask for an appointment, I did not get one. For a wound that I received on Saturday evening, the NHS was ready to give me an appointment on Wednesday at 5 pm. I simply did not bother to book it. When I was having trouble to even swallow water, the medical centre was telling me that they simply could not help.

Somehow it was a moment when I realized how useless a life I was leading here. Sure I was earning in pounds. Of what use is it for me if it can’t buy me a medical care when I need? Of what use it when it cannot guarantee that the next time I went out of house, I would surely return back home? I just felt like I was literally leading the life of a slave – a person who is getting paid, but who is simply not supposed to have any sort of self respect or any sort of dignity. For three days, my lips were swollen, speaking was painful. Everybody in the office said, “Oh so sad! Does it hurt?” But, not a single person had the humanity to say, “Take a day off. Go home and get some treatment”. It was horrible. The whole point of existence here seemed such a waste!

Luckily, I may be soon returning back to India – and that’ll be the best day of life. I am tired of this onsite. I am tired of this routine of work. Tired of this constant fear of being harassed for being an Asian and tired of the apathetic behaviour of the people. The noise, pollution and the congested roads of India are a lot more safe anytime and I’d rather be safe than earn in pounds and cower in my house fearing some attacks.

Info Warfare & Virtual Terrorism

Lately, there has been a lot of scare on the doctors from India being involved in various bomb plots. The attacks seemed to be put together by people harnessing the power of the internet. Yet, it all culminated in the physical execution of the plans. As the world grows more and more interconnected with almost all systems being online, is such a physical action necessary?

The movie Die Hard 4.0, loosely based on an article in Wired Magazine (1) explores this question. Consider this: The world is depending on the power of internet for everything. Be it controlling the railway networks, the communication, financial markets, national power grids and so. What if someone who wanted to control the world mounted a concerted attacks on this national lifeline? What if someone took over the internet and in effect took over the control? There is no physical force being used. Yet, the devastation caused could be chilling.

Consider the scenario played out in the article, the movie and another plot by Tom Clancy in his book Debt of Honour. In each of the place, there is a running plot like where a group with malicious intent takes control of the financial markets. What if the companies which are involved in trading of volumes unimaginable by mere mortals loose control of the gate-keepers of their treasure – the software programs that take the “buy-sell” decisions? What if these software wreak havoc when they fail to understand the markets since it goes against their pre-programmed business rules?

Or consider another scenario: What if the entire nation's traffic network is brought to a stand still? What happens when the metros, tubes, traffic signals – all of which are centralized suddenly have new masters, a group of nerds who have some ulterior motive rather than smooth running of the economy?

Or, what if the utility grids – the power and water supply networks are brought to grinding halt? What happens to life-support systems in hospitals? What happens when the entire country suddenly grows dark? (Although in a country like India, it is not a big worry right now, since this happens often enough!) Yet, in countries where there are sky scrapers, literally mini-cities in a building, such a power outage would mean no clean air, water and transportation. It is a scenario for nightmare.

These are some really worrying questions to answer and looks like not really many people even know where to begin. For a country like India it essentially means that since it is not so well connected, when it is going to start building such systems into place, it should ensure has systems in place to tackle such hindrances. Or else, India will be as vulnerable to these attacks as any other country in the world.


Wired Magazine article - http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/5.05/netizen.html

Die Hard 4.0 - Don't waste £ 7.6

Yesterday, I watched the movie Die Hard 4.0. It is supposedly based on an info war on the US of A and how our incorrigible action-addicted hero John Wayne comes to the rescue and single handedly rescues the world, the complete financial networks, the NSA, the CIA, the FBI, NYPD and his daughter. Sounds far-fetched? You ain't heard anything yet!

Supposedly, the movie is based on an article in the Wired magazine (I'll write an article on this later..). The article was written by the editor of the magazine with a view on how the growing dependence on technology could in itself be a honey-pot for the growing band of “bad guys”. The scenario is real and scary (I'll explain that later) but the movie sucks!

The most irritating part about the movie is where our hero does unnecessary herogiri when none is called for. For example, to kill the villain's girl friend, he gets into an SUV, drives through a building, ends up getting stuck in a lift shaft, gets himself almost killed and burns down half the building. It's almost like a competition where you are supposed to do the simplest thing in the most complicated manner.

Anyway, for the gist of the story (WARNING: Plot exposed!), it is about how a mercenary hacker turns against the system. A person who helped design the various fail back system for the biggest financial networks and defence networks decides that he now wants some money and the safest way to do it is by crippling America, triggering a backup process that copies over the entire financial records to one single database – then to copy this data, modify it so that he can scoop up a lot of $$. Nifty. Isn't it? But, he hadn't thought of one thing – our gun-toting, car-stealing, helicopter hunting hero – Detective John Wayne.

John who is dispatched to fetch a hacker for questioning gets embroiled in this technology-crap and ends up shooting a lot of people, destroying many buildings and killing an F-35 stealth bomber by jumping on, destroys a helicopter by crashing a car into it and various other stunts which our Rajni sir would have been proud of.

As if this was not enough, there is a sub-plot where the villain kidnaps John's daughter and intends to keep her hostage. John gets enraged and goes to get him - despite the fact that the traffic system is down due to the hacking unleashed by the bad guys. Strange though coz all others are shown stuck in traffic jams while our hero gets to drive in various cars, trailers, helicopters and F-35s – no jams, whatsoever. Wonder who managed the traffic for him.

Anyway, defying all logic and rationality, John, the angered father gets to the bad guy, kills him, gets the data back and saves the US of A and all ends well.

So, my suggestion is – if you have absolutely nothing else to do and want to burn up some $s, £s, Rs or whatever the currencty that you earn, please refrain from watching this horrible piece of movie. It is just not worth it.

References
Read all about the amazing figher plane in the movie at - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-35_Lightning_II
For a more detailed movie details check out the Wiki site - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Hard_4.0

Writing Matrimonial Profiles - For Dummies

(Please understand that the title should be undestood as "Dummies guide to writing matrimonial profiles and NOT writing profiles - for dummies as in profiles for dummies.. or dummies' profile... or ... Gawd, I'm confused!)

On Saturday, Mom asked me to finalize it off! I was on a mission to write my profile for a matrimonial portal. Having no experience whatsoever in these matters, I did the best thing that we engineers always do - check what the seniors have done and copy!

With this noble motive in mind, I logged into the site. Now, I generally searched for the profile of females of the species homo-spaiens. This time, I had to make do with the males since I was one of the tribe. And so, I logged in. What followed was an hour serious studies. Here's a rough guide on how to prepare your profile for a matrimonial portal.

Who should post the profile?
This is a very good question. All good guys, like the good guys of Ekta Kapoor's serials allow the woman in their life to take control. Since they are not married, the good guy will let his parents (meaning dear mummy) handle the job of posting the profile.

(Please note that the real description is provided in brackets to help you identify the correct characteristics)

About myself.
Well, this is a very tough question that baffles the well minded. But, of course not when mummy dear is helping. You should divide this section into multiple parts. The first one is on health and hygiene.

A. Health & Hygiene
Our son is clean and healthy. He has healthy habits. (Meaning, he takes bath whenever there is water supply, if not, he just uses Axe, assuming his pocket money allows him to buy!)

Our son does not smoke. He does not drink. (Holy s****! What does the guy do when he's thirsty? Well, it's not clear!)

B. Looks
He's fair. (as in fairly ugly) OR
He's athletic build (oh yeah, if he is an athlete, Sumo wrestlers are ballerinas!)
Has nice hair (well, here's the last offer - marry in 20 days and watch the last strands of it fall off!)

C. Studies
Our son has always got first rank (oh yeah, did we forget to tell you that the class teacher was my sister's second brother'-in-law's third-cousin's aunty?) He always used to study hard (the piles of Playboy in his room is proof enough). He did his engineering with full heart (look how excited he was in the college photo, of course, his eyes seemed to be crooked and staring at that thin girl, second row, third from left..)

D. Career
Our son is very hard working. He works all the time. (Free net connection at office, lovely ladies in the neighbouring call-centre - free food coupons..)

He got two promotions. (The company sends trucks to hire and having no one else, promotes anyone!) He's at onsite (since others in the team could no bear him, they sent him off to irritate the clients!)

E. Income & Status
He's quite economical. (Have you seen Pushpak where Kamal washes his shirt? If not watch it. That is how *economical* son is.. Scrooge McDuck aka. Uncle Scrooge would look like an angel in front of him..) If he got any more economical, he'd go BPL (below-poverty-line).

About family
We are a happy family. (Oh yeah, except for the occasional gun shots that are heard around the house). We are a nuclear family (and believe me, we are about as radio-active!)

We believe in values. (As in the land value, gold value, stock value and the value add that will come in when daughter in law comes in..)

Father-in-law will be a very quite guy (hic..hic..hic!) Mother in-law is very serene and peaceful. Durga is our home-God. (Note that the last two points are not related.)

About Partner
Well, he's been the partner for almost 30 years now. I can as well speak to the wall than him. Oops, I forgot. This is about my son's partner..

We'd like a girl from a happy family (like ours) with good values ($$) having a good background (golden is preferable). She should be ready to adjust (as in without water since our son does not drink). Horoscope should match perfectly. Or else the marriage will not be happy (what's life without life threatening moments?)

Disclaimer
Please note that the blog is written in a hilarious note - no offence to users of the portals - hell, even I am using one now!

It was fun reading the profiles. I know at the end of day, I am supposed to get married, the traditional style, but, the entire processes and the humongous diplomatic skills is such a pain in the back-side.

Who am I?

Well, this sounds almost like Jackie Chan's question in his movie. And no, I've no been coshed on my head. Actually, this question came up as my Mom was asking me to write a profile for Kanndamatrimonial.com. You see, I am supposed to get hitched. (Not that I mind it, but, the whole process sounds more complicated than the CMMi – Level 5 Processes that we at Cognizant follow).

Think about it. This simple question on “Who am I” is so complicated that I have looked at it for 2 hours with flashes of images passing through the eyes – the schools I've been in, the college, the offices, the appraisals – and yet, it's so tough to tell who you are and what you have been in the past 26 years in about 250 words – that's about 10 words per year.

When I started to think about it, I realized how contradictory my entire persona is! I seem to be almost out-of-the-box concept! I was not born in any one place, I was not affiliated any one language, I don't crave for any one kind of food nor do I have a complete passion for only one subject / hobby. At times, it is nice. I never seem to have time since I am perusing so many hobbies. Yet, at times, I feel like an out cast in a world filled with appraisal haunted, salary-obsessed and politically minded IT janta. No, I am cribbing here, it's just that I never seem to fit-in to any sort of group or stereotype. It's almost like life has been a sense of contradiction – a sort of an experience of neither being here nor being there...

Is it just me or is are there some others too? It's almost like multiple people crumpled and stuffed into one body! Just a passing thought..

Wedding Woes

No, no, no... Please do not get confused that this blog is about a harassed, hysterical, hypochindriacal husband. NO! This blog is about the wily relatives and the innumerable Machiavellian Uncles and Aunts who plot ruthlessly with rather sinister minds on how to get the other unsuspecting free birds into the caged institution of marriage!

(Before proceeding, some disclaimers:
• If my mom is reading it, “Mom, I am not against marriage.. you can continue your girl hunt!”
• If my uncles and aunts are reading it, “Why on earth are you reading my blogs? Please go out there and find some eligible bachelors and spinsters!”)
• Some of the thoughts are suitable for mature audience. So if you don’t consider mature enough, then please get of here!
• I respect elders. This blog is for humor only. So, please don’t consider that I am horribly ill-mannered, irritating, iconoclastic nut-case.

The background to this post is the chat that I had with my cousin yesterday. You see, she is a trained Bhratnatyam Dancer – and a really good one too. In the invitees list were her class-mates, the other dancers.. I attended her marriage after a very long gap. The previous marriage I had attended was when I was in 7th standard – so I was way below the radar of the potent preying eyes of uncles and (mostly) aunts. Uncles are generally a good breed. Introduce a nice topic like cricket or politics and they’ll forget about the other unimportant artefacts of life.

So, coming back to the wedding, what happened was this. Since I was being seen by my relatives and relatives’ relatives after a long time (about 10 years to be precise), it was a painful process of recognition. It would go something like this:

“Aiyyo! Who are you?”
(Well, I ain’t no gate crasher!) “Aunty, nanu Raji maga” (Aunty, I am Raji’s son)
“Ooh howda!” (Oooh is it?) “Last time I saw you, you were this high!” The hands will be dangling something like 38.75 cms above the ground level. Please don’t ask me how I got the precise measure. It is like the estimation of projects that we do – a lot of research with a final touch of gut feel.
Anyway, so coming back. The next set of question follows:
“So, what are you doing?”
Actually, I am not doing anything, since you are taking up my time!
“Aunty, I work in Cognizant”
“OOOhhh. Why? Did you not get a job in Wipro, Satyam, TCS or Infy?”

Aunty thought process: If you don’t work in the companies above, you must have been one loser!
“So where do you work?”
“Hyderabad”
“So you know cooking?”
“Yes”
“What do you cook?”

So there I am being interrogated by this toothless aunt, wearing about a ton of gold jewels while this stunning sexy nubile girl walks past us. Her scent takes my breath away, but, the aunt is in no mood to relent.

There is a deluge of questions on my culinary skills next. In olden days, us guys were not supposed to know cooking. In the modern times, it is better or else, you’ll have to shell out crores dough on your wife’s calls to her mom, every time she attempts to create an article of viand suitable for (mostly dogs and) husbands.

Anyway, so, there I am stuck with this bald-uncle looking down upon me and an aunt questioning me about my cooking habits while there is a group of this sexy ladies all flirting around. What a life!

So, once this interrogation is done, the aunt’s database is updated. I am now on the list. Next time she meets someone, she’ll start with, “Oh you know so and so’s son? He is so good!” Well, in 5 minutes how did you know I am good? Or bad for that matter?

Now that my mom is into the mode of girl-hunting, she’s coming in contact with more and more aunts and the pedestrian statements. The most heard statement being,: “You know this girl? She is so beautiful. I think she is the ideal match” Strangely, every girl will be really beautiful and everyone will be ideal. When the photo does arrive, it is entirely another matter that most of the times, my mom will look younger than the girl in question. (Mom, it is not derogatory, think of it as a cynical compliment!)

The biggest mystery in life with this is, how is it these white-haired, barrel-sized, bull-dozer mannered aunts and uncles get to see all the beauties? When we guys struggle with traffic, brave the heat, perform such great sacrifices like shaving on a Saturday and going to places like Imax and still fail in spotting beauties then how is it that this really irritating, interrogative aunt’s get to meet the beauties? Either we guys don’t know where to look or someone’s lying! I think it is one of those questions that should come on the Conspiracy Files on BBC or should be the next topic of a Dan Brown novel. Maybe, he can call it as Angels and Aunties! (Please note the transcription of Angels and Demons to Angels and Aunties is a pure coincidence. No harm intended whatsoever! Muhuhahahaha! )

And so, on this day in the wedding, I somehow get over one round of interrogation when some other relative catches you and the deluge of questions follow. And the girls around move away.. and I am stuck explaining about why I am still (rather still was in) India even after having been working for 2 years...

Bheja Fry!

Yesterday night I watched the movie Bheja Fry. It’s an amazing movie about how an idiot can wreck havoc in life – and yet win it back for you with his simplicity and down-to-earth attitude.

What amazed me about the movie was that there were so many things that you can connect with each of us. It was almost like Dil Chahtha Hai where I am sure everyone of could have identified ourselves with the characters.

In one of the scenes in the movie, the main character irritates his co-passenger in a bus. He wants a window seat – it’s just that he likes it that way and when he wants to shift, he falls all over the next person, keeps on singing, does not care about his co-passengers comfort and keeps on irritating him with all the details.

This is so much like real life. I mean, how many times has it happened to you that you are travelling by bus, train, or a shared rickshaw and there is this one character who comes in with a devil-may-care attitude and you are left hapless, helpless with a horrible sense of premonition that the entire journey is going to be one big mess, something that will irritate you the whole day – something that you’ll think about and smile two months down the line!

Well, I used to work in Hyderabad and had to travel home to Pune often and sometimes to Bangalore. During these journeys, I’ve encountered enough of this rather exotic kind of sub-species of homo-sapiens (well, I am not so sure that these creations of God rightly belong to the same species as me, but, let’s keep the argument simple and grudgingly assume it to be true!).

So, there was this female who was travelling in a KSRTC bus from B’lore to Hyderabad. She suddenly gets up and starts to shout at her really dumb-looking passenger. He looks like the type of a guy who would drool at heroines in a movie theatre when the lights were out, but, who’d never utter a squeak in front of a real female. Beside him is this amazon of a woman. If she were the last surviving female on earth, I am sure her temper would have fended off any unfair advances and the species would have gone the way of dinosaurs.

Anyway, coming back to the journey, this female gets up and starts to fight with the conductor. She says that she is a single girl. Girl! Girl! Girl! Girl! (The word resonated multiple times around the bus – think of it like the Ekta Kapoor’s serial where a sexy looking female announces that she’s going to become the ma of a guy who’s strayed from the path of fidelity).. Well, after the initial resonation of her claim to be a girl (My God, I can’t believe she said that – if she were a girl then, Lalita Pawar would be a teen!) had died down, the conductor went to her place. With a mouth full of paan he asked, “En re? Enu problem?” (What madam? What’s the problem?). The girl(??) with a melodious voice that could shatter diamond exclaimed that she was a single, unmarried woman and it was not appropriate for her to sit with some unidentified male beside her during a night journey. “Oh yeah, she’s right,” I thought. “After all, what sort of a demented man would want to spend a night beside such a shrew?”

Well, her question stumped the conductor. I am not sure what shocked him more. Whether it was the girl (huh?) who complained, instead of the guy or if her sudden inappropriateness – after all, she looked like a woman who could fend off the entire battalion of male soldiers, if need be. After a minute’s silence (probably in homage of all the guys who had been slain by her attitude and words, and a moment of silent prayer to get some kind of other-wordly strength), the conductor asked her what he could do. Hmm.. this guys was intelligent. If you can’t think, don’t. Let the problem creator be the problem solver. Good management funda.

So, the amazon-girl replied that she’d like to have a female sitting beside her for the journey or the seat should be left vacant – rather more like, half the remaining seat beside her should either be unoccupied or should be filled up by a timid lady, who was perching on the edge of the seat so that she could get up and run at the first sign of any volcanic activity beside her.

Well, the conductor was now in a big quandary. There were only two other females in the bus – one a mother of a 6-7 year old and the other one looked like a newly married girl, who was cuddling and molly-coddling with her new hubby. He was now in a dharma-sankat – whether to separate a newly-wedded couple or to drag a mother from her son. The conductor approached both the women and both refused. The newly married wanted to be beside her hubby. The mother wanted to be beside her son. So, he went back and reported to the amazon-lady that she had no other choice but to maintain status-quo as there were no other seats free.

The amazon was now in her flow. “How dare you make me sleep beside this guy?” she rhetorically asked. The guy had shrunk to a state of a miserable vermin that was about to be trapped and beaten! The conductor was growing deperate too. He went out and spit the paan. I am sure it was quite symbolic. But, this did not help him resolve the problem. The lady was still on her feet and refusing to let the bus move. Just when he was about to give up, our hero beside the amazon-lady, in a sudden sense of intelligence went to the mother of the kid and pleaded with her. Ostensibly, he’d probably have said that the choice was between reaching Hyderabad or not reaching Hyderabad at all. Anyway, there was a short interchange and finally, the mother left her son and exchanged her seat. The guy seemed to be so relieved that he treated the kid as his own son – he left the kid sleep side-ways. The kid, apparently, a football player in the making spared no efforts to try out free-kicks in his dreams. Despite this, our hero spent a happy time, and stared out at the vacant earth on the dark night. He had a small smile on his face. I am sure, it would have been the most heroic thing he could have done. After all, he’d saved our damsel (as it were) in distress.

As to our amazon, she thundered and rumbled at the ineptitude of the bus system and finally sat down. The bus started to move and the sill Govinda-Khadar Kahn movie resumed. Every body tried to watch it with keen interest as they were worried that any surreptitious glance at our damsel would be misconstrued as an act of filrtation and she’d send the disgraceful male to a state of perdition and probably make him sit in the luggage compartment.

And so, the journey contined….

Well, this was just one of the best instance of a passenger coming with a devil may care attitude. There are many others that I’ve probably written elsewhere. But, the movie sort of rekindled my thoughts over these past episodes. I am sure that it is not the end of it. Every time I go on a long journey, I end up having some such experience. Not sure if it is just me or if everyone of you too face similar issues… Maybe, God likes my blogs and wants me to experience it all and blog about it! :)

The Zahir - Best Quotes

I read the book, 'The Zahir' by Paulo Coelho recently. Here are some of the best quotes from the amazing novel.

Buy Book: India Only

About freedom
Slaves to the luxury, to the appearance of luxury, to the appearance of the appearance of luxury. Slaves to a life they had not chosen, but which they ad decided to live because someone had managed to convince them that it was all for the best. And so their identical days and nights passed, days and nights in which adventure was just a word in a book or an image on the television that was always on, and whenever a door opened, they would say:
'I am not interested. I'm not in the mood.'
How could they possibly know if they were in the mood or not if they had never tried? But there was no point in askingl the truth was they were aftaid of any change that would upset the world they had grown used to.

..freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.

All you have to do is to pay attention: lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs, you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step.

On seeing the restoration work going on at a cathedral:
And suddenly, in the middle of the central nave, i realize something very important: the cathedral is me, it is all of us. We are all growing and changing shape, we notice certain weaknesses that need to be corrected, we don't always choose the best solution, but we carry on regardless, trying to remain upright and decent, in order to do honour not to the walls or the doors or the windows, but to empty space inside, the space where we worship and venerate what is dearest and most important to us.

About friends:
Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.

About Love:
Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.

This force on earth to make us happy, to bring us closer to God and to our neighbours and yet, given the way that we love now, we enjoy one hour of anxiety for every minute of peace.About the situation in a war:

About love

‘A fatally wounded soldier never asks the medical team: “Please save me!” His last words are usually: “Tell me wide and son that I love them.” At the last moment, they speak of love.’

On books being movies

On why the author never sold rights of his novels to movies – rather more on why a movie made out of a novel is never as good:

Up until then, whenever anyone mentioned the possibility of making a film adaptation, my answer had always been, ‘No, I’m not interested.’ I believe that each reader creates his own film inside his head, gives faces to the characters, constructs every scene, hears the voices, smells the smells. And that is why, whenever a reader goes to see a film, based on a novel that he likes, he leaves feeling disappointed.

About railway tracks

After explaining the reason for the railway tracks to be exactly 143.5 cms apart:

‘..At some point in history, someone turned up and said: when two people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: be sensible, think of the future, think of your children. You can’t change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure of their destination. The rules don’t allow for love to change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through – it’s too dangerous. And so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. Your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival oftje species to head off into the future: your children will only apart. If you’re not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world’

About the question: ‘Why am I unhappy?’

No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.

On the perception:

‘Marie, let’s suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterwards, when they emerge and go over to a stream, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man’s face is completely clean. My question is this: which of the two will wash his face.’

‘That’s a silly question. The one with the dirty face of course.’

‘No, the one with the dirty face will look at the other man and assume that he looks like him and vice-versa, the man with the clean face will see his colleague covered in grime and say to himself: I must be dirty too. I’d better have a wash.’

Esther asks why people are sad.

“That’s simple,” says the old man. “They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they their dreams.”

The accomodator

The accommodator or giving-up point: there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappearance in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occurred.

About loneliness

Needless to say, I had been alone on other occasions during the year. Needless to say, my girlfriend was only two hours away by plane. Needless to say, after a busy day, what could be better than a stroll through the narrow streets and lanes of the old city, without having to talk to anyone, simply enjoying the beauty around me. And yet the feeling that surfaced was one of oppressive, distressing loneliness – not having someone with whom I could share the city, the walk, the things I’d like to say.

..there is nothing worse than the feeling that no one cares whether we exist or not, that no one is interested in what we have to say about life, and that the world can continue turning without our awkward presence.

Improving Behaviour - MBA Style

Hello my dear readers! I am back after a long sabbatical. It had been one hell of roller coaster of a journey.. It was almost like what Charles Dickens had mentioned in his epic, the Tale of Two Cities:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..

To explain, let me tell you what happened. In the period from Jan to June, I had to study a subject called “Managing Self Development - Leadership Development”. It is a module in the MBA that seeks to give an insight what you think, feel and how you behave – probably helping you to probe into the “whys” of such behaviour. This pattern of deep thought and self-reflection helps you to identify the patterns in behaviour that is either leading to a success in the life or if it is hindering your very work. Coupled with this subject, I had one of my worst appraisals ever – but a time when I got some of the harshest, yet most open feedback from my managers and leads.

I went from a time of intense despair at the loss of a promotion to the joy of being given the responsibility to start and drive a new group.

The real reason though for not getting my promotion could be a point that I identified was my inability to act assertively. Assertiveness has been defined as a behaviour that involves:
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways. (Beck and Beck, 1998)

On examining so many things, what came across was that I had been hurting myself and my image by keeping things to myself. What I had always though of as being independent and self-contained was being seen as my inability to open up, to network and to communicate! Well, I am working on it and that plan was the assignment for my MBA.

One thing that I found really useful that I think anyone can try is the use. It’s like a dairy, but more structured. In this, I note down my behaviour at a specific event and try and analyze how I could improve on my (leadership) behaviour. The reason is that behaviour is something that is learnt by all individuals and a thing that can be also be unlearned where necessary.

I found it really useful in helping me improve and identify a lot of areas where I could improve. Thought I’d just share this simple formula with you all!

The format of a typical journal is as follows:

Date
(When the event occurred)

What happened?
{A brief on the actual event – something like, My offshore team rejected my request to take up this work…)

My emotions
(What did I feel at this point of time? Remember, only emotions go here – things like, I felt angry, I felt annoyed, etc. Don’t put in thoughts like, I felt like hitting him..)

My thoughts & ideas
(Here, put in what you actually thought during the entire episode – things like, I felt so frustrated that I thought, I should just drop it all and get out! Maybe on how you generally behave in such events)

My behaviour
(In this section, out in details like how you actually behaved in such events, including body language. For example, something like, “I tend to withdraw to myself, my hands are crossed, answers become crisp, “Yes or no”, I snap at others…)

Implications for my development
(In this section, mention on how you could have behaved, if you behaved in a satisfactory manner; if you acted aggressively or if you had to close up your thoughts just because somebody put you down. This is the area where you can resolve on working on behaviour that needs improvement.)

Well, that’s it! This simple tool helped me in identifying so many things. This exercise brought out the fact on how much I was suppressing my feelings from everyone. In fact, in one survey, I figured out that if I were in love, I’d never ever express it simply because I believed that it was just my feeling and there is no need to tell it to any body else, even to the person I was (theoretically) in love with! Wow! That was something to chew on!

And so, I’ve prepared on some plans on behaviour change and working on it right now. The load of the MBA has reduced slightly – so watch out from some updates on my blogs!


(If you get a chance, do read the wonderful book, "Assertiveness at Work – A practical guide to handling awkward situations" by Ken Beck and Kate Beck)

Ekalavya - The Royal Guard

On Saturday, I watched the movie "Ekalavya - The Royal Guard". It's a movie made by a the great Vidhu Vinod Chopra. The visuals are a treat to watch - every frame moves from the pristine lands of Rajasthan to the palatial royal accommodations of the Ranas. Every scene is like a painting - with the story moving across this picturesque piece of art.

The excellence though ends there. The main plot of the movie is very thinly. The premise of the movie is the sacrifice made by Ekalavya. In the Mahabharatha, Ekalavya cuts off his thumbnail and gifts it to his master, Drona. He does not flinch or question this unjust demand made of him. For him, his dharma dictated that he do as he was asked by his teacher, even though he'd never taught him for a day.

The movie seems to question this very concept of the unjust dharma. Ekalavya - the royal guard of the kings has sacrificed everything in his life. He the royal guard entrusted to protect the king and his family. He is not supposed to have any other interest or feelings in life. He is to protect the king, unquestioningly and hunt down anyone who harms the king.

The movie's core question is this unquestioning Dharma. Should somebody be asked to do something just because it his this Dharma? Or is Dharma an abstract concept that is not set in stone, but, is a decision arrived after a rational thought process? The movie wants to prove to the audience that the very definition of Dharma is to identify an action based on this unique ability that only we, the homo sapiens have - the ability to think.

Although the movie raises a very valid question, the plot is too thin and wears down the audience by the clichéd story-telling. It's not really exciting and the scenes are predictable. The redeeming feature is the humorous moments when the correct inspector, played by Sanjay Dutt comes on screen.

Big B lives up to his reputation delivering a class act. Saif look quite convincing as a regal heir (which he is anyway!) Vidya Balan is looking stunningly beautiful in her natural self. Even without much of make-up, she's fabulous. So is Raima Sen. Yet, the only characters who matter are Amitabh and Saif. There's just one song, a soothing lullaby scored by Shantanu Moitra.

On the whole, a nice movie to watch over the weekend. But, don't expect to come out feeling very happy or motivated or depressed or dejected. It's a movie to watch for the visual treat it offers.